Mad Covid Diaries

Welcome to #MadCovidDiaries

Mad Covid Diaries aims to document the lived experiences of those who were mad before the entire world went Covid crazy for historical purposes and to influence change right now.

You can contribute in a number of ways by:-

1. Using the #MadCovidDiaries to record your daily reflections whenever you like

2. Volunteering to submit a weekly diary in any medium you like – for example video or audio diaries, blogs and more creative methods for example art and photography.

3. Doing a one off diary whenever you feel like it.

4. Having a weekly conversation with a member of the #MadCovidDiaries team. This could be audio or video recorded or could be written up.

5. Any other way – please get in touch to discuss!

If you would like to know more or contribute to this project, please get in touch at madcovid@gmail.com or @MadCovid on instagram and twitter. You can take part anonymously if you wish.

Bethan talks about #MadCovidDiaries – what it is, why it started and how you can take part!

Meet the #MadCovidDiaries diarists Here!

Check out our most recent #MadCovidDiaries below!

In this pandemic world, I have had moments of crisis but my past experiences really made me reluctant to reach out for help.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 3.8.2020  I’m back home and for the first time in a long time, it really felt like coming home. Of course, I experience anxiety here, lying awake in the middle of the night thinking the house noises means someone might be in the house or the depression clouding over me because I can’tContinue reading “In this pandemic world, I have had moments of crisis but my past experiences really made me reluctant to reach out for help.”

I have a couple of five word slogans for you, Boris; The North is fierce hearted. We won’t be divided now. We choose justice and peace over lies.

Heather’s #MadCovidDiaries 2.8.2020  My grandparents have lived in Bradford all their life. Grandma worked on the glove counter of Brown and Muffs; which sounds like a euphemism but was a department store that formed part of her glamorous career girl history. Grandad’s father was a music hall pianist, he liked to fill a bath tubContinue reading “I have a couple of five word slogans for you, Boris; The North is fierce hearted. We won’t be divided now. We choose justice and peace over lies.”

When I consume news stories or social media, the world ending in my lifetime feels like an inevitable reality.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 27.7.2020  I’m back at my parents’ house for the first time this year and it’s been almost six months since I last saw them. Whilst I am mostly enjoying the experience, I also feel incredibly overwhelmed today and really feel like I haven’t had the space to decompress without them. The last coupleContinue reading “When I consume news stories or social media, the world ending in my lifetime feels like an inevitable reality.”

Brave New World? #17

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 3.8.2020 Tony adds his 17th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. We ask that you seekContinue reading “Brave New World? #17”

What if there is no “after COVID”?

I feel like this’ll never be ‘over’ and the future just melts together.

What if there is no “after covid”?

Human Bean’s #MadCovidDiaries, Week 18: July 20th to July 26th

Returning back to normal isn’t really an option…I am considering all sorts of things that seemed impossible to me before. I want to live in a world that considers all the diverse needs of individuals in its society.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 20.7.2020  I’ve finally got some time off for the next two weeks and especially this week, I am going to focus on having time for myself. I have recognised that burn out for me is something that happens even when I have the best intentions ; it has as much to do withContinue reading “Returning back to normal isn’t really an option…I am considering all sorts of things that seemed impossible to me before. I want to live in a world that considers all the diverse needs of individuals in its society.”

Brave New World? #16

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 24.7.2020 Tony adds his 16th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. We ask that you seekContinue reading “Brave New World? #16”

I feel so annoyed that many of my friends think people like me are being too anxious and just need help to be less afraid. I feel that I have an accurate view of the COVID risk and they have kidded themselves into being less afraid because they want to “get back to normal”.

I feel so annoyed that many of my friends think people like me are being too anxious and just need help to be less afraid. I feel that I have an accurate view of the COVID risk and they have kidded themselves into being less afraid because they want to “get back to normal”.

I fear the next year or so there’s going to be such a huge crisis with society failing those who fall deeper into poverty and grief, and that many many people will suffer alone.

Darren’s #MadCovidDiaries #MadDiaries 16.7.2020 TW: Suicide and Self Harm Chronic insomnia is a real arse. ‘Real’ as it seems to be swept under every bloody carpet. I tell support workers, previous CPN’s etc about this problem and well they don’t want to talk about that they want to talk about anxiety or depression instead. IContinue reading “I fear the next year or so there’s going to be such a huge crisis with society failing those who fall deeper into poverty and grief, and that many many people will suffer alone.”

These are unprecedented times so I constantly have to focus on being kind to myself but that requires a lot of rewiring.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 14.7.2020  I sat down to write the last few days and felt little to no motivation as there was too much going on in my head. Even today, I feel a little conflicted and confused. One part of me is super excited as I will be seeing my parents in a few weeks’Continue reading “These are unprecedented times so I constantly have to focus on being kind to myself but that requires a lot of rewiring.”

I’m in quarantine. It’s not a good place to be, because its scary, plagues are scary. Government needs to take responsibility for putting our lives in danger.

Michelle‘s @DyslxicRant’s #MadCovidDiaries Michelle has been creating vlogs about her experiences of COVID19 during Lockdown. Here you can catch up on some! We hope to feature more of Michelle’s work over the next few weeks. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. We ask that you seek our permission beforeContinue reading “I’m in quarantine. It’s not a good place to be, because its scary, plagues are scary. Government needs to take responsibility for putting our lives in danger.”

Brave New World? #15

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 17.7.2020 Tony adds his 15th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. We ask that you seekContinue reading “Brave New World? #15”

I feel like we’re living in such a brutal world and I didn’t even have the resilience to cope with the old one let alone this.

Human Bean’s #MadCovidDiaries, Week 16: July 6th to July 12th TW: Cancer I came out to my mum as non binary this week. I also told a few more people about my plans to change my name. I feel really silly about it (internalised transphobia or a hangover from being stigmatised for BPD shifts inContinue reading “I feel like we’re living in such a brutal world and I didn’t even have the resilience to cope with the old one let alone this.”

There are lots of things I can’t do. I don’t get to drink, I don’t get to miss sleep…I’ve had to make big decisions about my life.

Jo’s #MadCovidDiaries 16.7.2020 Jo’s 17th vlog is out now!  Jo speaks about having difficulty sleeping at the moment, which is a big warning sign for her. She also reflects on all the things she has to do just to stay well and the big decisions she’s had to take in life to stay well. She’sContinue reading “There are lots of things I can’t do. I don’t get to drink, I don’t get to miss sleep…I’ve had to make big decisions about my life.”

Virtual Mental Health Support in COVID19: I worry that digital technology is being seen as an acceptable alternative, rather than the temporary ‘make do’ solution that it was initially intended to be.

Virtual mental health support in Covid 19 @outdoorprescrip’s #MadCovidDiaries 8.7.2020 – this is a reblog from their fantastic blog I am one of the lucky ones. I’ve received support during Covid-19 virtually. I appreciate I am lucky to have received any support at all as I know many have had nothing. A virtual interaction this weekContinue reading “Virtual Mental Health Support in COVID19: I worry that digital technology is being seen as an acceptable alternative, rather than the temporary ‘make do’ solution that it was initially intended to be.”

WHY MAD PEOPLE SWEAR

 G’s #MadDiary #MadCovidDiaries Inspired by the book Why Mummy Drinks by Gillian Sims January 2020  My alarm goes off. BOLLOCKS. I feel knackered and I realise I’ve only had 2 hours sleep AGAIN! I wonder why I set my BLOODY alarm and then I remember that I have to go FUCKIN outside to see CPNContinue reading “WHY MAD PEOPLE SWEAR”

At the beginning of all this, I was scared of Lockdown, but now I sometimes feel scared of it ending?!

@MyNewMummyLife’s #MadCovidDiaries 9.7.2020 Lockdown Update: Week 12,13,14,15??? I’ve lost count. It’s been a while since I wrote something for #MadCovidDiaries. As a family, we’ve just been plodding along the best we can. My husband was made redundant, so he’s spending time with us all, which is nice. But we do have some tough days withContinue reading “At the beginning of all this, I was scared of Lockdown, but now I sometimes feel scared of it ending?!”

Health professionals get frustrated with me and misinterpret my attempts at communication. The thought of talking to a doctor now brings a wave of panic because my experience this year has been so terrible.

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries – Week 13: June 15th to June 21st TW: iatrogenic trauma, ableism  It’s diary day. I don’t feel like talking today. I guess that’s a good reason to have a set day to update, it’s more representative of my mood than if I just updated when I felt like it.  Looong exhale. Continue reading “Health professionals get frustrated with me and misinterpret my attempts at communication. The thought of talking to a doctor now brings a wave of panic because my experience this year has been so terrible.”

I think everyday about other people suffering with abuse and more than ever in the current situation it renders me speechless, heartbroken and angry.

Darren’s #MadCovidDiaries, 29.06.20 For the first time in my life I’m able to use the word depression as a descriptive term to apply to my self. I’ve been experimenting with using this with friends and it seems to be going ok. I’ve had both chronic depression as a diagnosis and depression from the same GP,Continue reading “I think everyday about other people suffering with abuse and more than ever in the current situation it renders me speechless, heartbroken and angry.”

The trigger for a lot of my difficulties in the Coronavirus crisis has been the feeling of the unknown, which hasn’t been helped by the lack of leadership from the government.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 7.7.2020  What a difference two weeks make? In the last ten days, it’s been a rollercoaster of unexpected life events, which has left me feeling both super hopeful and super anxious. The most prominent item is that I am now getting paid for some work that I was previously doing as voluntary. It’llContinue reading “The trigger for a lot of my difficulties in the Coronavirus crisis has been the feeling of the unknown, which hasn’t been helped by the lack of leadership from the government.”

Brave New World? #14

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 8.7.2020 Tony adds his 14th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. Photos from the Belper Moo’s This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.Continue reading “Brave New World? #14”

It’s kind of interesting but grim to see how the soaps are dealing with covid 19. It’s weird how seeing something fictionalised can make a thing feel more real.

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries – Week 15: June 29th to July 5th Well, after my post last week saying nothing will change for us, we made a spur of the moment decision to come on a trip. I’ll explain.  The rules changed on Saturday 4th July to say you are allowed to visit family overnight. SinceContinue reading “It’s kind of interesting but grim to see how the soaps are dealing with covid 19. It’s weird how seeing something fictionalised can make a thing feel more real.”

The transition out of lockdown is causing me a lot of anxiety. The risk is still there but now we’re being asked to act like it isn’t. It was a decision made for the economy and not for keeping people safe.

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries – Week 14: June 22nd to June 28th  Do you ever look back at your past self and think wow, I was a real person in the world: I wore that red dress in Italy, I kissed that girl, in a way that you don’t feel real in your life now orContinue reading “The transition out of lockdown is causing me a lot of anxiety. The risk is still there but now we’re being asked to act like it isn’t. It was a decision made for the economy and not for keeping people safe.”

Sunsets

Steve’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 1.7.2020 Steve shares some more of his amazing collection of photographs on the topic ‘Sunsets’! He’s happy to receive suggestions about photo topics – he has a big collection of photographs he’d like to share with everyone.  Thank you Steve :  ) This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0Continue reading “Sunsets”

The assessment didn’t last long. I was still certain I would be home soon. I was wrong. They had sectioned me.

Alison L’s #MadCovidDiaries, 22.06.20 Crisis After Crisis, This Time Covid-19 Sent Things In The Wrong Direction TW: Mentions self-harm and suicide. *Names of staff have been changed Bex the Mental Health Nurse from the homebased treatment team was sat in my living room asking me if I would consider a voluntary hospital admission. It wasContinue reading “The assessment didn’t last long. I was still certain I would be home soon. I was wrong. They had sectioned me.”

Since lockdown began, my bright, carefree, sociable girl has had her life turned upside down. Her bedroom is her classroom; her schoolwork set online.

Lucy’s #MadCovidDiaries 25.6.2020  She’s not a talker, my nine-year-old daughter. Not about her feelings, anyway. Even when she was in Reception, her teacher commented on how she never cried. ‘Sometimes I can see she really wants to,’ she said, ‘but she won’t let herself.’ She’s like me in that respect. I grew up keeping myContinue reading “Since lockdown began, my bright, carefree, sociable girl has had her life turned upside down. Her bedroom is her classroom; her schoolwork set online.”

Brave New World? #13

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 26.6.2020 Tony adds his 13th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. This week, Tony has been making more masks from his photos! Photos from the Belper Moo’s OnContinue reading “Brave New World? #13”

I Was Recovering Before the Pandemic but Now I’m Stark Raving Mad

@tentaeminty’s #MadCovidDiaries, 21.06.20 I Was Recovering Before the Pandemic but Now I’m Stark Raving Mad – And It’s Not the Virus Please note that this article has old lockdown rules within it; this was written over a time period where the rules were changing. Please look up the current lockdown rules for your area. I’veContinue reading “I Was Recovering Before the Pandemic but Now I’m Stark Raving Mad”

Anorexia recovery prepared me for this pandemic, our young people need support to get through.

An anonymous #MadCovidDiaries, 21.06.20 TW: Eating disorders When I was 15 and busily preparing for my GCSEs, I was diagnosed with anorexia. I was scared, I was lost, but I was going into school. A teacher alerted myself and my family to the fact that anorexia was a problem for me. The teacher linked usContinue reading “Anorexia recovery prepared me for this pandemic, our young people need support to get through.”

I’m sad that mental illness has made me so unwell and things have got so much harder since lock-down. I’m sad that I can’t remember a time where I could just sit and relax…

Anonymous’ #MadCovidDiaries, 21.06.20 TW: References to self-harm, including methods, discussed throughout. Why has it taken walking around the hospital grounds at night to make me feel sad? It’s just gone 11pm Tuesday night and I’m walking around the local hospital grounds. Mum’s waiting in the carpark, I’m not a patient – not yet anyway, IContinue reading “I’m sad that mental illness has made me so unwell and things have got so much harder since lock-down. I’m sad that I can’t remember a time where I could just sit and relax…”

Every time I read the news or Twitter, I recognise that we have such a long way to go…sometimes I feel like all I want to do is pack my bags, go home and retreat from society.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries, 23.06.20 CW: Mentions self harm and alcohol briefly Today, I feel indecisive on how to start writing this. For me, I am struggling with a whole host of internal worries and fears, which makes me think what I really need now is help. You know when you’ve experienced long term mental health illnesses,Continue reading “Every time I read the news or Twitter, I recognise that we have such a long way to go…sometimes I feel like all I want to do is pack my bags, go home and retreat from society.”

Identifying with, and belonging to groups is important to me

Jo’s #MadCovidDiaries 22.6.2020 Jo’s 14th vlog is out now!  If you’ve enjoyed this vlog, please consider donating to our Hardship Fund for people with a mental health condition who are in financial need during COVID19. Mad Covid is an entirely unfunded group. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. WeContinue reading “Identifying with, and belonging to groups is important to me”

Brave New World? #12

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 20.6.2020 Tony adds his 12th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. This week Tony became a grandfather – CONGRATUALTIONS Tony and family! Understandably, Tony he has had lessContinue reading “Brave New World? #12”

If they kick me out of services, so be it, but I’m done with therapy – especially Covid-friendly Zoom therapy.

Lucy’s #MadCovidDiaries 18.6.2020  TW: Self harm Therapy in the time of Covid Throughout the years I’ve been under mental health services, I’ve been through many courses of therapy. None of them have proven particularly helpful, and nor did I expect them to. I firmly believe that my mental illness is down to screwy brain chemicalsContinue reading “If they kick me out of services, so be it, but I’m done with therapy – especially Covid-friendly Zoom therapy.”

Animals

Steve’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 18.6.2020 Steve shares some more of his amazing collection of photographs on the topic ‘Animals’! He’s happy to receive suggestions about photo topics – he has a big collection of photographs he’d like to share with everyone.  Thank you Steve :  ) This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0Continue reading “Animals”

A Mother’s Love

By Ginny Mata @ginnymata 15.6.2020 Today’s been a really rough day.  I couldn’t bring myself to eat anything at all. I was determined to spend the rest of the day feeling miserable, to fold into myself, to will myself to disappear.  But just now, when I opened my bedroom door, on the table, there wereContinue reading “A Mother’s Love”

I am having increasing anxiety about the state of the world, about covid, about the treatment of black people and trans people.

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries – Week 12: June 9th to June 14th TW: discussion of racism and transphobia, medical issues.  Gosh, what an emotionally laborious week it has been. Difficult conversations with people about race (which is fine, that’s my responsibility as a white person) and difficult conversations with people about transphobia.  I’m non binary andContinue reading “I am having increasing anxiety about the state of the world, about covid, about the treatment of black people and trans people.”

It’s been an intense couple of weeks in the context of world events.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 15.6.2020  It’s been an intense couple of weeks in the context of world events. It almost feels like it doesn’t feel as important to focus on Covid with the current events happening. Discussing what’s been happening in my life the last few weeks has also seemed unimportant given the situation in the USContinue reading “It’s been an intense couple of weeks in the context of world events.”

You have never acknowledged or apologised for the harm you caused me.

  Ellie’s #MadCovidDiaries #Midnight Waffles 15.6.2020 It’s hard to know where to start. I guess as good a place as any is to admit quarantine has not been easy. For the last month or so I’ve felt unable to articulate what I’m thinking or feeling, to myself as much as anyone else. I’ve felt unsettled, I can’tContinue reading “You have never acknowledged or apologised for the harm you caused me.”

Brave New World? #11

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 12.6.2020 Tony adds his 11th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. This week Tony’s work has been featured on Radio Nottingham: And, Tony received an honourable mention inContinue reading “Brave New World? #11”

You’re not a Mental Health Activist in any sense if you’re not intersectional

Jo’s #MadCovidDiaries 8.6.2020 Jo’s 12th vlog is out now!  If you’ve enjoyed this vlog, please consider donating to our Hardship Fund for people with a mental health condition who are in financial need during COVID19. Mad Covid is an entirely unfunded group. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. WeContinue reading “You’re not a Mental Health Activist in any sense if you’re not intersectional”

I’m white and feel like I have a responsibility to do everything I can to educate myself and others and make changes happen wherever I can. Black lives matter. 🖤

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries – Week 11: June 1st to June 7th I didn’t manage self therapy this week. My partner was working and I had to take care of the kids so it didn’t happen. I will make sure it happens in the coming week so I don’t lose the habit. I’m quite annoyed thatContinue reading “I’m white and feel like I have a responsibility to do everything I can to educate myself and others and make changes happen wherever I can. Black lives matter. 🖤”

The more lockdown is eased, the more my anxiety rises. It’s going to be a long time before I stop staying alert.

Hattie’s #MadCovidDiaries 2.6.2020 The more lockdown is eased, the more my anxiety rises. It’s going to be a long time before I stop staying alert. I have obsessive compulsive disorder, and if there’s one thing I’m an expert at, it’s staying alert. Right now we are living though a real life enactment of one ofContinue reading “The more lockdown is eased, the more my anxiety rises. It’s going to be a long time before I stop staying alert.”

Brave New World? #10

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 5.6.2020 Tony adds his 10th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. This week Tony’s work has been featured on ITV News and has been reported on by HistoricContinue reading “Brave New World? #10”

I think often of others out there struggling with their mental health and I hope you know I’m rooting for you.

TW: brief mention of suicidal thinking  Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries – Week 10(!): May 25th to May 31st It’s wild we’ve been at this ten weeks. I suppose in a way though I’ve been in lockdown most of the year; I was physically too ill to leave the house for most of the first three monthsContinue reading “I think often of others out there struggling with their mental health and I hope you know I’m rooting for you.”

I’ve been a mad person in psychiatric services for 15 years and have spent 12 years on Lithium, which means I’m in the lost causes league.

Heather‘s #MadCovidDiaries 27.5.2020  Moonstruck. I’m showing my fellow volunteers how Zoom works. We click through the menu above our faces and I explain that you can rename yourself. ‘You could have a nickname, or choose your pronouns, or make up a whole other name, if you like.’ I spend the rest of the session teachingContinue reading “I’ve been a mad person in psychiatric services for 15 years and have spent 12 years on Lithium, which means I’m in the lost causes league.”

Special Skies

Steve’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 2.6.2020 Steve shares some more of his amazing collection of photographs on the topic ‘Special Skies’! He’s happy to receive suggestions about photo topics – he has a big collection of photographs he’d like to share with everyone.  Thank you Steve :  ) This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivativesContinue reading “Special Skies”

Getting back to any sort of normality after my hospitalisation did not feel like an option. It felt surreal to go from hospital to pandemic. It was like entering a new world.

TW: Overdose @RelapseRover’s #MadCovidDiaries – 27.5.2020 Life after hospital in Covid times A week before lockdown I was discharged from hospital after a two month admission. On the day of my discharge all the patients got a letter from the hospital managers explaining that due to this thing called Covid they may have to takeContinue reading “Getting back to any sort of normality after my hospitalisation did not feel like an option. It felt surreal to go from hospital to pandemic. It was like entering a new world.”

I don’t know why it’s taken a pandemic to get me to the peak of my frustration and anger with the widespread mental health ‘intervention’ that is known as signposting.

Naomi, @doricgirl #MadCovidDiaries – 27.5.2020 I don’t know why it’s taken a pandemic to get me to the peak of my frustration and anger with the widespread mental health ‘intervention’ that is known as signposting, but I suppose we all respond differently to crisis – apparently my reaction of choice is rage against the practiceContinue reading “I don’t know why it’s taken a pandemic to get me to the peak of my frustration and anger with the widespread mental health ‘intervention’ that is known as signposting.”

Mad for alcohol

TW: Alcohol addiction By Chloë – 29.5.2020 This may be the hardest thing I have ever written, and it’s certainly the first time I have ever had to ask someone else to host a blog post so that I can remain anonymous. I’m going to be very careful about what I say so that IContinue reading “Mad for alcohol”

#MentalHealthAwarenessWeek2020 – We are already aware!

This is a reblog from Charlie Richards’ blog Recolourising Life This last Sunday (24/05) marks the end of this year’s Mental Health Awareness Week. I have quite mixed views about MHAW for various reasons, but my opinion can best be summarised as: We need to be encouraging action, not awareness. We are already aware. When I say we areContinue reading “#MentalHealthAwarenessWeek2020 – We are already aware!”

My therapist held this power over me and yet could affirm that the experience I was having was not diseased or pathological, and was in fact positive, was remarkable and deeply validating and healing for me.

David Mordecai’s #MadCovidDiaries diary – 27.05.2020 One of memories that clearly marks how my life changed thanks to mental illness was being admitted to the overnight unit at the health centre of my university and having the staff person there write a giant ‘psi’ on her pad, which she then showed to the friend whoContinue reading “My therapist held this power over me and yet could affirm that the experience I was having was not diseased or pathological, and was in fact positive, was remarkable and deeply validating and healing for me.”

Brave New World? #9

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 29.5.2020 Tony adds his 9th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. LEAVES ON THE LINE Golden leaves Swirl past the window Sighing on air F             A       LContinue reading “Brave New World? #9”

No one can fix this mess… Maybe it’s reasonable to cry… Maybe being one of many helpline callers tonight is a sign that this crisis is a big one.

TW: Self Harm Heather‘s #MadCovidDiaries 27.5.2020  I’ve been crying for an hour by the time I make the call. People say crying is therapeutic, like a flash storm – it’s a sudden spurt of emotion that clears all the cobwebs away. I’ve been sat, fully dressed in the empty bath tub alone for an hourContinue reading “No one can fix this mess… Maybe it’s reasonable to cry… Maybe being one of many helpline callers tonight is a sign that this crisis is a big one.”

This whole experience is really taking a mental and physical toll on my body. Each day to me actually represents three or four days of pre-covid time.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 25.5.2020  Yesterday, my mum reiterated her desire to come drive to see me even if it was just from afar. A couple of weeks ago, I was seriously considering self isolating in preparation for relaxing of lockdown rules and asking my parents to do the same. Unfortunately, trying to convince my mum thatContinue reading “This whole experience is really taking a mental and physical toll on my body. Each day to me actually represents three or four days of pre-covid time.”

I’m amazed at the brass neck on Johnson. It’s like being in some George Orwell novel.

Jo’s #MadCovidDiaries 25.5.2020 TW: Swearing. Jo’s tenth vlog is out now!  Jo is not happy about Dominic Cummings’ antics in Durham when he should have been adhering to the lockdown and then using Autism as a defence. She’s also not happy with the way Boris Johnson has stood by him. On a positive note, she’sContinue reading “I’m amazed at the brass neck on Johnson. It’s like being in some George Orwell novel.”

I’m off to get ready for a virtual Zoom cocktail party tonight! I’m loving the possibilities for remote connection that are springing up. I never want those to go away.

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries – Week 9: May 18th to May 24th Hi all. I’ve been generally feeling more positive this week. I made the tough decision to keep my four year old off preschool for the rest of the school year (I also have a two year old at home).  I feel lucky to haveContinue reading “I’m off to get ready for a virtual Zoom cocktail party tonight! I’m loving the possibilities for remote connection that are springing up. I never want those to go away.”

Nature

Steve’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 26.5.2020 Steve shares some more of his amazing collection of photographs on the topic ‘Nature’! He’s happy to receive suggestions about photo topics – he has a big collection of photographs he’d like to share with everyone.  Thank you Steve :  ) This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0Continue reading “Nature”

Self harm is something many living with mental illness have experienced, and yet it remains something people are squeamish about, that they reject, that they shame us for.

Hope’s #MadCovidDiaries Tuesday 21.5.2020 TW: Self Harm Because it’s been the heinously platitudinous Mental Health Awareness Week this week, and inspired by @mugamnesty’s recent blog on psychosis, I’ve decided to write this diary about self harm. Self harm is something many living with mental illness have experienced, and yet it remains something people are squeamishContinue reading “Self harm is something many living with mental illness have experienced, and yet it remains something people are squeamish about, that they reject, that they shame us for.”

Secret Meetings: I’m on the margins staring at the academy’s ivory towers and there’s no door let alone window in sight.

TW: Swearing Bethan‘s #MadCovidDiaries 22.5.2020  Being left out is a big thing for me.  I’ve felt like an outsider many times in my life, starting quite early when I moved schools when I was 6 – from England to Wales.  I was kept down a year, was in a Welsh school when I couldn’t speakContinue reading “Secret Meetings: I’m on the margins staring at the academy’s ivory towers and there’s no door let alone window in sight.”

COVID is casting the choices between health and wealth in the starkest possible terms.

David Mordecai’s #MadCovidDiaries diary – 19.05.2020 I am in Toronto, Canada, and our political leadership would like us to believe that we are far enough along in our response to COVID to end our shutdown. My garden business was allowed to resume operations on May 4th. That’s shifted a lot in my life and isContinue reading “COVID is casting the choices between health and wealth in the starkest possible terms.”

#MentalHealthAwarenessWeek2020: I find the whole thing extremely hollow

Jo’s #MadCovidDiaries 18.5.2020 TW: Swearing. Jo’s ninth vlog is out now!  Jo critiques mental health awareness week and doesn’t hold back! She speaks about celebrities and organisations who use it to promote themselves and workplaces who place the onus for dealing with mental health on the individual rather than making workplaces healthier. As Jo say’sContinue reading “#MentalHealthAwarenessWeek2020: I find the whole thing extremely hollow”

Psychosis is a real illness hidden away by decades of stigma and misinformation – and buried further underground amongst the empty promises and platitudes of Mental Health Awareness Week.

TW: Psychosis @mugamnesty’s #MadCovidDiaries 19.5.2020 The Mechanisms of Psychosis Given that psychosis is one of the most ignored and maligned aspects of mental health knowledge amongst the general public, I’d like to offer you my take on the matter – by explaining exactly how psychosis took hold of my mind and turned the world upsideContinue reading “Psychosis is a real illness hidden away by decades of stigma and misinformation – and buried further underground amongst the empty promises and platitudes of Mental Health Awareness Week.”

Waiting lists are months long and racial disparities are ignored. Mental health awareness week is just not enough.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 18.5.2020  I don’t really know where to start. After a very challenging week, the weekend for me has been a lot of me trying to contain my anger and having these beautiful moments of hope. In some ways, I’m starting the cycle again of settling into this new normal but it really overwhelmsContinue reading “Waiting lists are months long and racial disparities are ignored. Mental health awareness week is just not enough.”

If you want to do us a kindness, find another way to plug the gaps. Vote for policies that prioritise the NHS and local government funding and challenge the austerity agenda.

Charlotte‘s #MadCovidDiaries 18.5.2020 Lockdown Mental Health Awareness Week So Mental Health Awareness Week has rolled around again. I’m afraid I’m one of those jaded people with severe mental illness who feels that these days and weeks ring somewhat hollow, raising “awareness” without improving services or doing much to impact on the lives of people withContinue reading “If you want to do us a kindness, find another way to plug the gaps. Vote for policies that prioritise the NHS and local government funding and challenge the austerity agenda.”

I had an email from the preschool saying my daughter could go back from June 1st. I can’t decide. There are so many strong reasons for and against.

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries – Week 8: May 11th to May 17th TW: alcohol, panic attacks, PTSD, shame It’s been a week of two halves. During the first half I felt quite positive; I had a new found direction in self help from the springboard of therapy ending. Things at home were good, as my partnerContinue reading “I had an email from the preschool saying my daughter could go back from June 1st. I can’t decide. There are so many strong reasons for and against.”

“I’ll just give you a call once a week to make sure you’re alive”: Changes to how mental health services are delivered during COVID19: Part 1.

To date, we’ve done 16 interviews with people using mental health services across the UK. This is the third in a series of blogs highlighting key issues that they’re facing as a result of COVID19. Some of the people we interviewed gave consent to publish their interview in full, which are being uploaded here, andContinue reading ““I’ll just give you a call once a week to make sure you’re alive”: Changes to how mental health services are delivered during COVID19: Part 1.”

The healing power of therapy comes from a secure and trusting relationship between therapist and client, Covid-19 induced separation is the antithesis to this.

Psychotherapy and lock-down, by Anonymous 13.5.2020 “Being forced to relocate one’s practice, having phone sessions, and responding to personal questions are all indications of the changed treatment frame, conscious manifestations of the boundary alterations that take place, and a reminder that psychotherapy can never be business as usual after a shared trauma of this magnitude.”Continue reading “The healing power of therapy comes from a secure and trusting relationship between therapist and client, Covid-19 induced separation is the antithesis to this.”

Watching the @MadCovid and #MadCovidDiaries community grow has been an absolute privilege and life raft for me.

Bethan’s #MadCovidDiaries 15.5.2020  Being behind the scenes helping the cogs turn has been my kind of thing for a long while. I guess that’s what I’ve been doing with #MadCovidDiaries until now.  Hi world, I’m Bethan, the diary uploader, editor, picture selector, email replier etc etc!  Watching the @MadCovid and #MadCovidDiaries community grow has beenContinue reading “Watching the @MadCovid and #MadCovidDiaries community grow has been an absolute privilege and life raft for me.”

Living a Raisin-Free Life

@mugamnesty’s #MadCovidDiaries 12.5.2020 Like the majority of people reading this, I’ve seen a fair number of psychiatrists over the years. With the exception of a few individuals, the care I received from NHS mental health services frequently left a lot to be desired. I am immensely grateful to my family and close friends, who helpedContinue reading “Living a Raisin-Free Life”

The cogs in my head have been in overdrive; what life do I want after this crisis is over. Where does my energy go? What do I care about?

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 10.5.2020  I’m feeling angry today, terrified, anxious. What did I expect after watching the waffling from our Prime Minster? I called my mum and I got really emotional, especially when her response was very much well we can’t be in lockdown forever. Last week I told her she couldn’t come to see me,Continue reading “The cogs in my head have been in overdrive; what life do I want after this crisis is over. Where does my energy go? What do I care about?”

COVID19: When it’s someone you know it becomes personal.

Jo’s #MadCovidDiaries 11.5.2020 TW: COVID death, swearing. Jo’s eighth vlog is out now!  Jo’s out in the park on her daily permitted exercise. She talks about how angry and sad she’s feeling after hearing of the death of one of her work colleagues, particularly after Boris Johnson’s announcement on Sunday the 10th of May. SheContinue reading “COVID19: When it’s someone you know it becomes personal.”

I’m celebrating a year sober this coming week. Happy one year to me!

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries – Week 7: May 4th to May 10th  TW: Alcohol / Sobriety Did I miss a week? How did I miss a week?  It has been a difficult fortnight for me. I felt extremely low. So tired, no energy or motivation to do anything. Hopeless. Worried. It was also the fortnight leadingContinue reading “I’m celebrating a year sober this coming week. Happy one year to me!”

My stress bucket has felt like an ember, turning into a smouldering fire and yesterday finally turning into an explosion.

@outdoorperscrip‘s #MadCovidDiaries 6.5.2020 The explosion of the stress bucket So yesterday things sort of unravelled. In mental health services they often like to talk about the stress bucket, how it fills up and you need to find ways of making holes in it to let the water out to stop it from overflowing. Recently my stressContinue reading “My stress bucket has felt like an ember, turning into a smouldering fire and yesterday finally turning into an explosion.”

My OCD: Seeing Red

Hope’s #MadCovidDiaries – 6.5.2020 TW: OCD, sexual abuse, STDs, self-harm, hallucinations, disordered thinking After the recent discourse surrounding OCD and the pandemic— which, in short, seems to be suggesting it is helpful or desirable— I decided that this week I would write about my experience of OCD and why this discourse is harmful. Many membersContinue reading “My OCD: Seeing Red”

#StayAlert: The pushing back of responsibility onto the individual echoes neoliberal health and welfare policies.

Charlotte‘s #MadCovidDiaries 10.5.2020 Don’t you hate it when a partner, friend or (worse) a manager says to you, “Listen, we need to talk later. I’ll tell you what it’s about then.” Argh! Terror! What can they possibly want to say that’s so important they can’t just say now? It must be something awful! Is heContinue reading “#StayAlert: The pushing back of responsibility onto the individual echoes neoliberal health and welfare policies.”

Waiting on the Cliff Edge: The crisis of quarantine for the mentally ill.

Retropxssy‘s #MadCovidDiaries TW: Suicide, Anorexia, COVID deaths I feel as though I have been left to die. I am one of the 1 in 4 people in the world affected by a  mental health problem. ‘Normally’, despite diagnoses of complex trauma, anorexia, anxiety and depression, I’m pretty high functioning. A lot of the time, aContinue reading “Waiting on the Cliff Edge: The crisis of quarantine for the mentally ill.”

BAME key workers from working class backgrounds are falling ill and dying in disproportion to the rest of the population.

By way of introduction  My name is Lol Benson, I am scouse and a middle aged white man who works at Manchester Uni as a senior lecturer in healthcare management. I first developed depression in 2010, triggered by the bereavement of my mum Kathy Benson and then over the following three years I began toContinue reading “BAME key workers from working class backgrounds are falling ill and dying in disproportion to the rest of the population.”

Quarantine eliminates hours of checking from my daily life. I don’t have to pack a bag, lock any doors, or turn off electrical appliances.

TW: Suicide, Eating Disorder, OCD. @mugamnesty’s #MadCovidDiaries 2.5.2020 Approaching work – just around the corner. Beloved violin, on my back, it’s there, check, got it. Backpack, yes, got it. Was there a third item? Why would I bring a third item to work? Can I see myself with a third item? If a colleague sawContinue reading “Quarantine eliminates hours of checking from my daily life. I don’t have to pack a bag, lock any doors, or turn off electrical appliances.”

Flying High at the Wales Air Show

Steve’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 8.5.2020 Steve shares some more of his amazing collection of photographs on the topic ‘Flying High’! He’s happy to receive suggestions about photo topics – he has a big collection of photographs he’d like to share with everyone.  Thank you Steve :  ) This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivativesContinue reading “Flying High at the Wales Air Show”

COVID19: The most devastating impact on my mental health has been to witness humanity’s greed.

Matthew Jackman The mental health and service user experience during COVID19 in Australia: from personal to professional disaster. I write alongside my heater in the lounge room as the weather reaches 8 degrees centigrade on a dreary and rainy winter like day in Melbourne, Australia. Working from home has been a struggle, as I gatherContinue reading “COVID19: The most devastating impact on my mental health has been to witness humanity’s greed.”

Depression drops like the dead canary down the mine, alerting me of the toxic environment I’ve found myself in

TW: Abuse   Jemma’s #MadCovidDiaries 27.4.2020 2 weeks ago I thought I was cured. I was both looking forward to (and low-key fearing) a discharge, I’d survived my historical ‘Mad March’ with not so much of a hiccup. I mean I was raging everyday from the news and injustices being reported but pre covid I’d beenContinue reading “Depression drops like the dead canary down the mine, alerting me of the toxic environment I’ve found myself in”

I want to scream and shout, which I did manage to do when accidentally watching the news. Maybe I’ll make it my new hobby, shouting at the nonsense people say, particularly politicians.

TW: Thoughts of physical violence Sunitha’s third #MadCovidDiaries 3.5.2020  It’s been more than two weeks since I last wrote. Not sure why, mixture of very good mood periods where I felt I wanted to be free from technology and low mood points where I just wanted to binge watch some terrible TV show, to escapeContinue reading “I want to scream and shout, which I did manage to do when accidentally watching the news. Maybe I’ll make it my new hobby, shouting at the nonsense people say, particularly politicians.”

The failures of our past economies are making us vulnerable. We need to choose to value different things economically.

David Mordecai’s #MadCovidDiaries diary – 1.05.2020 It’s been strange to go from five weeks when my mood felt remarkably good and stable, to a place where I’ve needed to interpret the signs of what my brain and body are doing sometimes moment by moment in order to decide what kind of interventions to make. FirstContinue reading “The failures of our past economies are making us vulnerable. We need to choose to value different things economically.”

Brave New World? #6

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 2.5.2020 Tony adds his 6th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. This week Tony launched a video – check it out: UNEXPECTED Walking in the dusk , airContinue reading “Brave New World? #6”

For my loved one

TW: Abortion, eating distress, health anxiety Hope’s #MadCovidDiaries – 23.4.2020 Thanks for the dance, and the baby you carried It was almost a daughter or a son                                     — Leonard Cohen, Thanks for the Dance, 2019 You don’t like this song, because it makes you think about dying, about saying thank you as a goodbye.Continue reading “For my loved one”

Beautiful Decay

Steve’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 30.4.2020 Steve shares some more of his amazing collection of photographs on the topic ‘Beautiful Decay’! He’s happy to receive suggestions about photo topics – he has a big collection of photographs he’d like to share with everyone.  Thank you Steve :  ) This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivativesContinue reading “Beautiful Decay”

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