Mad Covid Diaries

Welcome to #MadCovidDiaries

Mad Covid Diaries aims to document the lived experiences of those who were mad before the entire world went Covid crazy for historical purposes and to influence change right now.

You can contribute in a number of ways by:-

1. Using the #MadCovidDiaries to record your daily reflections whenever you like

2. Volunteering to submit a weekly diary in any medium you like – for example video or audio diaries, blogs and more creative methods for example art and photography.

3. Doing a one off diary whenever you feel like it.

4. Having a weekly conversation with a member of the #MadCovidDiaries team. This could be audio or video recorded or could be written up.

5. Any other way – please get in touch to discuss!

If you would like to know more or contribute to this project, please get in touch at madcovid@gmail.com or @MadCovid on instagram and twitter. You can take part anonymously if you wish.

Bethan talks about #MadCovidDiaries – what it is, why it started and how you can take part!

Meet the #MadCovidDiaries diarists Here!

Mad Covid would like to especially thank Deniz for helping behind the scenes with the Mad Covid Diaries project.

Deniz Gulduren

Deniz helps out with the MadCovid Diaries and website. He’s been a vocal critical of the failures of Child and Adolescent Mental Healths Services (CAMHS) and campaigning on mental health issues with the UK Youth Parliament. 

Check out our most recent #MadCovidDiaries below!

Brave New World? #31

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiaries 14.5.2021 Tony adds his 31st instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his trips under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. Tony has an exhibition opening on May 17th to June the 27th at the Peak District Museum, Matlock, BathContinue reading “Brave New World? #31”

Putting my needs first has been something that I constantly have to consider…

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 25.04.2021 TW: Suicide, death, bereavement. I’m feeling really anxious again, not sure why but I feel like I have so much on my mind and so much that I need to do. All I feel like I do at the moment is focus on getting through the day but it feels like there’sContinue reading “Putting my needs first has been something that I constantly have to consider…”

“Criminalising people has somehow become acceptable mental health care. This approach strikes me as the latest evolution of the deserving/undeserving narrative… that is culturally embedded in mainstream services.”

An Anonymous #MadCovidDiaries 21.02.2021 TW: Police, self-harm, suicide As a mental health charity worker I frequently cross paths with other organisations who support people coming out of prison. The messages are clear – prison often has a devastating effect on people’s physical and mental health and future prospects. Adapting back to life in the communityContinue reading ““Criminalising people has somehow become acceptable mental health care. This approach strikes me as the latest evolution of the deserving/undeserving narrative… that is culturally embedded in mainstream services.””

“The DWP’s human rights abuses we are experiencing will be written into history along with our protests and descent. From one person on benefits to another, you are valuable.”

TW: DWP Darren’s #MadCovidDiaries 31.03.2021 Had me PIP benefits stopped this week. Which also took away part of my ESA. An act of violence by the DWP, and the government which dictates. I’ve said for a long time that survival is the best you can do on benefits, because survival for me is about managingContinue reading ““The DWP’s human rights abuses we are experiencing will be written into history along with our protests and descent. From one person on benefits to another, you are valuable.””

No room at the inn: it’s not as simple as just asking for help

@Outdoorperscrip #MadCovidDiaries – 11th of April 2021 TW: Eating disorders, suicide, suicide methods It’s taken me around 4 months since I left hospital to feel able to write this. Part of me was desperate for the involved services that treated me to acknowledge how their treatment wasn’t helpful and put me at risk. I madeContinue reading “No room at the inn: it’s not as simple as just asking for help”

“I’m back… it’s been a while since I’ve been able to write. I do love writing in this way and… after being inspired by a fellow diarist saying they’d written this week, I felt that now was as good a time as any.”

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 09.04.2021 I’m back…So it’s been a while since I’ve been able to write and part of that has been because I feel as if I have been busy with so many things and part of it is just lack of motivation. I do love writing in this way and have seen the benefitsContinue reading ““I’m back… it’s been a while since I’ve been able to write. I do love writing in this way and… after being inspired by a fellow diarist saying they’d written this week, I felt that now was as good a time as any.””

Brave New World? #30

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiarIES 11.4.2021 Tony adds his 30th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his trips under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. Tony has an exhibition opening on May 17th to June the 27th at the Peak District Museum, Matlock, BathContinue reading “Brave New World? #30”

My word against theirs

As psychiatric patients, we are so often disbelieved or not listened to in the first place. Our accounts of poor treatment and trauma are dismissed as an overreaction; we reach out for help only to be deemed attention seeking; even our interpretation of the world is pathologised and declared as symptomatic of our madness.

“I am feeling incredibly raw at the moment, perhaps it’s because there is nothing to look forward to, perhaps it’s because I know that this mess of a pandemic and lockdown is an ongoing matter and I find it hard to escape from this feeling..”

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 15.02.2020 So I am struggling to finish writing so this is kind of another split post across two weeks, funny the patterns we fall into to survive… You know, I forget that when I tell other people that I am “mad”, that maybe they don’t react as receptively as I would hope. Admittedly, IContinue reading ““I am feeling incredibly raw at the moment, perhaps it’s because there is nothing to look forward to, perhaps it’s because I know that this mess of a pandemic and lockdown is an ongoing matter and I find it hard to escape from this feeling..””

“My experience this week of trying to get urgent mental health support has been a groundhog week I’ve repeated many times in the past. …you have to start at the beginning again, and your knowledge of yourself counts for nothing.”

An Anonymous #MadCovidDiaries 12.02.2021 TW: Suicidal thoughts, Self-harm. There are so many ways I could have started this blog… With the time on Wednesday when I gave up trying to get hold of a GP as I couldn’t get through the receptionist questions. With the time on Tuesday when my partner said why is itContinue reading ““My experience this week of trying to get urgent mental health support has been a groundhog week I’ve repeated many times in the past. …you have to start at the beginning again, and your knowledge of yourself counts for nothing.””

Brave New World? #29

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 11.2.2020 Tony adds his 29th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his trips under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. ‘Only the Lonely’ – how the pandemic added an extra dimension to Tony Fisher’s loneliness project | Showcase |Continue reading “Brave New World? #29”

“My psychiatrist and care coordinator have admitted that the CMHT is overwhelmed with new referrals, who are suffering mentally as a result of the pandemic. How do they make room for this coronavirus influx? By getting rid of their long-termers.”

@lucywriter’s #MadCovidDiaries 05.02.2021 TW: Suicide, Self-Harm ‘It was a pleasure talking to you, Lucy,’ he says on the phone. ‘I hope not to see you again.’ And just like that, after seven years, my psychiatrist has discharged me from secondary mental health services in one 20-minute phone call. I knew it was coming; it wasContinue reading ““My psychiatrist and care coordinator have admitted that the CMHT is overwhelmed with new referrals, who are suffering mentally as a result of the pandemic. How do they make room for this coronavirus influx? By getting rid of their long-termers.””

“The isolation from the pandemic almost makes me miss sleeping on the streets.”

An Anonymous #MadCovidDiaries 29.01.2021 (Content warning: mentions CSA, rape, homelessness, suicide attempts, self-harm). The isolation from the pandemic almost makes me miss sleeping on the streets – I know that is something most people will find really hard to understand. I think I’ve felt lonely for my whole life. As a child I was withdrawn,Continue reading ““The isolation from the pandemic almost makes me miss sleeping on the streets.””

“I want to remind any health professional that the most difficult situations, at least for me, arose from being treated like I had no understanding or agency over my life and decisions.”

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 2.02.2020 TW: Bereavement So I have been struggling to dedicate time the last few weeks. I wrote this a few weeks ago and I wanted to share this first to set the context of where my head has been… This week has made me worry that I am overdoing everything. It feels almostContinue reading ““I want to remind any health professional that the most difficult situations, at least for me, arose from being treated like I had no understanding or agency over my life and decisions.””

“My regulatory body emailed to tell me that I had been reported by one of the AMHP’s who assessed me during the summer as unfit to do my job because of my mental health. An AMHP who had met me once.”

@RelapseRover’s #MadCovidDiaries 29.01.2021 Working and being Mad in Covid times Early 2020 I was admitted to hospital for the 8th time in 3 years. I was discharged a week before Covid hit. I was off work for 5 months but my return went well. My lovely colleagues had decorated my desk and bought me giftsContinue reading ““My regulatory body emailed to tell me that I had been reported by one of the AMHP’s who assessed me during the summer as unfit to do my job because of my mental health. An AMHP who had met me once.””

“I accept that the things that make me seem mad are also the things that make me incredibly productive, a loyal friend and someone with buckets full of empathy.”

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 12.01.2020 TW: Suicidal thoughts Everything feels overwhelming but not in the way that you would expect; I actually feel like my life is slowly coming together. If you’d told me two weeks ago that I would have managed to sleep before midnight for a week as well as waking up before 7am, IContinue reading ““I accept that the things that make me seem mad are also the things that make me incredibly productive, a loyal friend and someone with buckets full of empathy.””

Prison was the most soul-destroying experience of my life. The harshness of my surroundings ground away at my soul daily until one day, I had no coping beans left.

@Asteroid_Caller’s #MadCovidDiaries 26.01.2020 Solitary Prison was the most soul-destroying experience of my life. While psychotic, I coped. While psychotic, prison was a simulation created by my friends. I trusted that they would not make it harder than my capacity to endure. When I came around I realised where I was. The harshness of my surroundingsContinue reading “Prison was the most soul-destroying experience of my life. The harshness of my surroundings ground away at my soul daily until one day, I had no coping beans left.”

I think knitting does my mental health good. It allows me to put the many flickering tabs my brain has open into stasis whilst my hands take over with a restful muscle memory.

Heather’s #MadCovidDiaries 24.01.2020 In, over through and out! That was my mantra when I had my first psychotic break. My mum placed a pair of knitting needles in my hands and she explained that knitting had been what kept her going through 3 months of pregnancy bedrest. Her mother in law had handed her aContinue reading “I think knitting does my mental health good. It allows me to put the many flickering tabs my brain has open into stasis whilst my hands take over with a restful muscle memory.”

Grieving for an imaginary baby – the loneliness of psychosis

@MiserySquid’s #MadCovidDiaries 23.01.2021                       Trigger warning: psychosis, suicidal ideation, self-injury, miscarriage, infanticide. I was 21 years old when I had my first psychosis. I was picked up by the police in the middle of the night, wandering the streets barefoot, clicking and whistling, tapping and clapping imaginary codes at the cameras in the streetlights. IContinue reading “Grieving for an imaginary baby – the loneliness of psychosis”

“If you can move through life without psychiatric medication, that is a privilege. If you can enjoy and celebrate your emancipation from psychiatry’s ugly clutches, that is a privilege”

David Mordecai’s #MadCovidDiaries – January 2021 TW: Mania, Advanced Dementia I am tired (but cannot sleep). I am angry. I am frustrated. I am deeply disappointed. And I am grieving. Apologies in advance that this will be more disjointed than my past MadCovid Diaries entries. My father is at the end of a journey myContinue reading ““If you can move through life without psychiatric medication, that is a privilege. If you can enjoy and celebrate your emancipation from psychiatry’s ugly clutches, that is a privilege””

“My therapist emailed to say she would no longer be seeing me face to face due to the new Covid strain / lock-down. The previous lock-down was horrific without face-to-face support. It’s not an experience I would ever want to repeat.”

@Chlowinfield1’s #MadCovidDiaries 15.1.2021 TW: Suicide and Self-harm Last week my therapist emailed me to say she would no longer be seeing me face to face due to the new Covid strain/lock-down and me not being able to wear a mask (I have an exemption and can wear it for short periods e.g. on the busContinue reading ““My therapist emailed to say she would no longer be seeing me face to face due to the new Covid strain / lock-down. The previous lock-down was horrific without face-to-face support. It’s not an experience I would ever want to repeat.””

“I was finally diagnosed as autistic, via a long awaited assessment. It was done virtually… I’m in my mid thirties, and I feel grief that I went so long without this understanding of myself.”

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries 13.12.2020 The good side of my personal circumstances at the moment: my partner is able to teach from home for a little while, my kids are off school and nursery. We can hunker down for a while and be relatively safe. I’m really grateful for that, and for this time together. I’mContinue reading ““I was finally diagnosed as autistic, via a long awaited assessment. It was done virtually… I’m in my mid thirties, and I feel grief that I went so long without this understanding of myself.””

“It feels like we are back to where we were in April. I miss my parents in ways that I can’t comprehend, which leaves me unable to communicate with them because I feel like it creates too much internal pain”.

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 4.01.2020 TW: Suicidal thoughts Wow, I didn’t realise until I am writing now that I took such a long break from this. Last week was a complete disaster as apparently taking a break from everything was not the reset that I hoped for leading to strange sleeping schedules (5am – 5pm), no showering,Continue reading ““It feels like we are back to where we were in April. I miss my parents in ways that I can’t comprehend, which leaves me unable to communicate with them because I feel like it creates too much internal pain”.”

The expectation is this: under these unusual circumstances, one should suffer more with their mental health. Years of adversity and intense emotional crisis gives me resilience; I move parallel to these restrictions.

Amanda’s #MadCovidDiaries 25.12.2020 Flow with It. The expectation is this: under these unusual circumstances, one should suffer more with their mental health. Although that is true for many, on the contrary, I grow deeper into my art and discover resonance for my personal mission. Years of adversity and intense emotional crisis gives me resilience; IContinue reading “The expectation is this: under these unusual circumstances, one should suffer more with their mental health. Years of adversity and intense emotional crisis gives me resilience; I move parallel to these restrictions.”

Brave New World? #28

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 11.12.2020 Tony adds his 28th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his trips under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. No longer the “ happy to chat bench” Happy to slap a fine bench Don’t sit here Not forContinue reading “Brave New World? #28”

Tamar’s Lived Experience Practitioner’s (LXP) #DriscriminationDiaries

Tamar’s #MadCovidDiaries 10.01.2020 Over the last month Tamar has been documenting the discrimination she has experienced as a Lived Experience Practitioner using video diaries or vlogs. You can catch up on them all here, or you can scroll down and watch a few select diaries. If you are able to assist Tamar on legal mattersContinue reading “Tamar’s Lived Experience Practitioner’s (LXP) #DriscriminationDiaries”

I wish the medical bodies, mental health charities and those who hold power would use it in an honourable way instead of capitulating to a corrupt system.

Heather’s #MadCovidDiaries 24.12.2020 2020: the year the other shoe dropped. To wrap up this year, I decided to choose four lessons I learned. None of them are cheerful but they are real hard won lessons. I even name check ginger crooner Mick Hucknall, and ever disapproving DBT wizard Marsha Linehan, two great minds of ourContinue reading “I wish the medical bodies, mental health charities and those who hold power would use it in an honourable way instead of capitulating to a corrupt system.”

“Praise is something that I have learnt to accept, but I don’t think I will ever accept praise from myself. Writing in this blog has allowed me to put myself out there but I never expected anybody to care about what I have to say.”

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 14.12.2020 Last week has been a rollercoaster of really good moments and really weird feelings of being overwhelmed with the anxiety of life. Let’s start with the terrible stuff because well, I’m feeling a lot of anxiety still. Since Friday, I have been feeling debilitating anxiety, worrying about every little thing possible and beforeContinue reading ““Praise is something that I have learnt to accept, but I don’t think I will ever accept praise from myself. Writing in this blog has allowed me to put myself out there but I never expected anybody to care about what I have to say.””

“The blitz spirit of lockdown 1 has vanished. We’re no longer all in this together; we’re pitted against each other.”

@lucywriter’s #MadCovidDiaries 22.12.2020 Back in March, when we first locked down, I couldn’t even countenance that we’d still be in the grips of the pandemic by Christmas. I fully expected the virus to burn itself out by the summer, and the headlines saying social distancing could be needed for the rest of the year seemedContinue reading ““The blitz spirit of lockdown 1 has vanished. We’re no longer all in this together; we’re pitted against each other.””

“I thought I’d just check the headlines and there was something absurd about the government having to use military planes for the vaccine because of Brexit and I wanted to laugh to stop myself from crying.”

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 07.12.2020 As always, I seem to have a habit of leaving things until the last minute, which is what has happened with writing today. That said, I don’t think I really took much time out to relax today as it’s been ongoing. When I left work, I caught up with a friend whoContinue reading ““I thought I’d just check the headlines and there was something absurd about the government having to use military planes for the vaccine because of Brexit and I wanted to laugh to stop myself from crying.””

“If there are good things that come out of the loss from COVID-19, I hope that it will include being kinder towards people who experience discrimination and vulnerability.”

Tamar’s #MadCovidDiaries 13.12.2020 Entry 1 – Introduction Hi, I’m Tamar. I’ve been wanting to be part of the Mad Covid Diaries since I first saw the project, I even wrote a bit of stuff! Obviously, I did sod all with it. I thought it all needed to be perfect, finished. So, I didn’t submit anything,Continue reading ““If there are good things that come out of the loss from COVID-19, I hope that it will include being kinder towards people who experience discrimination and vulnerability.””

“This year with the rules about Christmas bubbles it feels even harder to please everyone. My needs always come last and it is killing me”

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries 13.12.2020 How am I feeling? Sad and angry. And anxious. So many people around me are just carrying on like there’s no pandemic – I have tried and failed to let go of my anger about this. I’m plagued with health anxiety. I think I need to start doing regular worry timeContinue reading ““This year with the rules about Christmas bubbles it feels even harder to please everyone. My needs always come last and it is killing me””

“My life has always been about surviving rather than thriving”

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 02.12.2020 TW: Bereavement My week has been intense and I’m struggling to figure out when the intensity will stop. I wish that it would be over and I could truly rest but I feel like this is an ongoing struggle and I need to carve out some time for myself. Even sleep doesn’tContinue reading ““My life has always been about surviving rather than thriving””

How can I speak up when you can hold me down? Restrictive practice on an acute ward – an inpatient perspective.

@MiserySquid’s #MadCovidDiaries 09.12.2020 Trigger warning: contains references to self-injury and ligature, detainment and coercive practice.              There is a purple handprint on my left shoulder blade. I twist my neck in the mirror to get a good look at it. Four clear fingers, a thumb and a round violet palm mark. It’s possible that itContinue reading “How can I speak up when you can hold me down? Restrictive practice on an acute ward – an inpatient perspective.”

Snagging anger. “If you could see anger, what would it look like?”

Heather’s #MadCovidDiaries 06.12.2020 TW: Abuse Snagging anger. Therapist asks me ‘If you could see anger, what would it look like?’ I know what therapist is getting at but I can only summon up anger as a little rocky boundary kicked over until it becomes useless rubble. The grown ups used to tell me ‘there is noContinue reading “Snagging anger. “If you could see anger, what would it look like?””

I overheard a group of people walking past me questioning how terrible 2020 has been for them. Yet I realised that compared to 2019, for me, 2020 has been so much better.

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 24.11.2020 TW: Self-harm, Bereavement This week has been so crazily busy for me, but one thing that I did manage to do was have Saturday where I took a break from screens (tv, laptop and phone), which for me felt completely different from anything that I’d experienced in a while. Whilst I wasContinue reading “I overheard a group of people walking past me questioning how terrible 2020 has been for them. Yet I realised that compared to 2019, for me, 2020 has been so much better.”

Michelle’s #MadCovidDiaries @DyslxicRant

Michelle‘s @DyslxicRant’s #MadCovidDiaries Michelle has been busy and has some art on sale at the moment – check her work out at @DyslxicRant. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. We ask that you seek our permission before you use any of our material – this includes researchers who wantContinue reading “Michelle’s #MadCovidDiaries @DyslxicRant”

The pandemic is still affecting my mental health, causing me to feel anxious and overwhelmed. I made a decision a few days ago to disconnect from online news, but weirdly, it’s given me a sense of emptiness.

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 16.11.2020 TW: It’s been a challenging week, where I felt like I reached breaking point on multiple occasions. However, I think whilst I experienced elements of burn out, I have found that I have been able to recharge over the weekend. The most important part that I have been able to recognise isContinue reading “The pandemic is still affecting my mental health, causing me to feel anxious and overwhelmed. I made a decision a few days ago to disconnect from online news, but weirdly, it’s given me a sense of emptiness.”

Mad Covid Launches COVID-19 Recommendations for Mental Health Services

Mad Covid have created a series of broad recommendations for mental health services during the COVID-19 pandemic.  They focus specifically on services for people with pre-existing mental health conditions who have moderate, severe or long-term needs.   Read the recommendations in full here. You can use the #MadCovidRecommends to discuss the recommendations on social media. OurContinue reading “Mad Covid Launches COVID-19 Recommendations for Mental Health Services”

My week has mostly consisted of watching a lot of CNN, though hilariously, when the election was finally called for Biden, I only found out by the excited texts from my friends and family.

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 10.11.2020 TW: Bereavement My week has mostly consisted of watching a lot of CNN and their ‘Key Race alerts’, though hilariously, when the election was finally called for Biden, I only found out by the excited texts from my friends and family. Although the whole situation has given me a lot of anxietyContinue reading “My week has mostly consisted of watching a lot of CNN, though hilariously, when the election was finally called for Biden, I only found out by the excited texts from my friends and family.”

Brave New World? #26

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 27.11.2020 Tony adds his 26th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. We ask that you seekContinue reading “Brave New World? #26”

I am sat in my bedroom, my therapist is sat in their home study and we’re talking via a laptop. Sometimes the picture lags behind the sound, as if my therapists face is a simply pirated DVD film.

Heather’s #MadCovidDiaries 20.11.2020 TW: Sexual abuse I’m sat in a wood with David Attenborough. We first got to know each other when I was 5 years old. David ended one of his dinosaur programmes by concluding sadly that we’d never know what colour the dinosaurs were. I didn’t want David to be sad and sinceContinue reading “I am sat in my bedroom, my therapist is sat in their home study and we’re talking via a laptop. Sometimes the picture lags behind the sound, as if my therapists face is a simply pirated DVD film.”

They’re off-rolling us. To make room for people who are likely to be a quick fix, who’ll show that the service gets results.

@lucywriter‘s #MadCovidDiaries 19.11.2020 They’re off-rolling us. To make room for people who are likely to be a quick fix, who’ll show that the service gets results. How long does it take from the point of crisis to being considered stable enough to be discharged from community mental health services? According to my psychiatrist, it’s sixContinue reading “They’re off-rolling us. To make room for people who are likely to be a quick fix, who’ll show that the service gets results.”

As someone with lived experience, who has fed back into the system, I have never really felt like my voice has ever been heard. For the first time, I realised I was hearing the voices of people who needed to be heard.

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 2.11.2020 TW: Bereavement It’s been about a week since the funeral of my uncle and today, in particular, I have been feeling very disconnected from his loss. In some ways, it’s similar to how I felt after the death of my other uncle last year – in that time away from them, softenedContinue reading “As someone with lived experience, who has fed back into the system, I have never really felt like my voice has ever been heard. For the first time, I realised I was hearing the voices of people who needed to be heard.”

The Second ‘Wave’: Mad COVID’s Symposium / #MadMeetUp – 28.10.2020

TW: Suicide Mad COVID held a #MadMeetUp / Symposium on the 28.10.2020, to discuss the impact COVID19 has had on the mad community. As well as looking back, we also explored what mental health services and others can do to support us during the impending second ‘wave’ and any further lockdowns.   It was an incrediblyContinue reading “The Second ‘Wave’: Mad COVID’s Symposium / #MadMeetUp – 28.10.2020”

“I haven’t left this desk since March. This week has really got to me – the amount of people being systematically failed.”

Lauren’s #MadCovidDiaries 1.11.2020 If you’ve enjoyed this vlog, please consider donating to our Hardship Fund for people with a mental health condition who are in financial need during COVID19. Mad Covid is an entirely unfunded group. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. We ask that you seek our permissionContinue reading ““I haven’t left this desk since March. This week has really got to me – the amount of people being systematically failed.””

When we speak about the arts, music and culture, it’s so important we acknowledge the freedom that it gives us in our lives. The ability to step back from reality, even if it’s for an hour or in some cases, the whole night.

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 26.10.2020 TW: Bereavement What a long week, which has brought a whole host of challenges that I could not have predicted a week ago. My partner went into complete shutdown, barely interacting with me; my mum has been staying with us; I have barely been able to sleep, let alone function in aContinue reading “When we speak about the arts, music and culture, it’s so important we acknowledge the freedom that it gives us in our lives. The ability to step back from reality, even if it’s for an hour or in some cases, the whole night.”

Mental health services in general aren’t interested in our suffering. Not because individuals in the system don’t care. But resources are so thin that risk will win every time.

@BipolarBlogger’s #MadCovidDiaries 4.11.2020 TW: Suicide and Suicidal thoughts Risk versus suffering Recently I was in crisis. I went through a period of low mood, which was followed by a period of semi-psychotic persecutory thoughts, and then into a terrible phase of being unable to stop obsessing about running away from home and taking my ownContinue reading “Mental health services in general aren’t interested in our suffering. Not because individuals in the system don’t care. But resources are so thin that risk will win every time.”

‘Here comes lockdown two, and at least four more weeks of social isolation. And I feel… fine.’

@lucywriter‘s #MadCovidDiaries 4.11.2020 I remember March, the month the world changed. I was in crisis as lockdown began. And just as I was trying to get my head around the idea, there was a new headline on BBC News: ‘Social distancing may be needed for rest of year.’ ‘I can’t bear this,’ I posted inContinue reading “‘Here comes lockdown two, and at least four more weeks of social isolation. And I feel… fine.’”

I communicate with my Care-Coordinator on the telephone or videoconference. I can hear the other people in her office talking, and once heard a pigeon falling down her chimney when she was working from home.

@RelapseRover’s #MadCovidDiaries 29.10.2020 Navigating mental health support in a pandemic I have only ever met my care coordinator (CCO) once in person, after I was discharged from a two-month hospital admission in March. It was a week before lockdown. I haven’t ‘seen’ her since and barely spoke to anyone in person apart from shopkeepers andContinue reading “I communicate with my Care-Coordinator on the telephone or videoconference. I can hear the other people in her office talking, and once heard a pigeon falling down her chimney when she was working from home.”

In this pandemic, we might suddenly realise that the conditions we live in cause people to experience mental health illnesses

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 19.10.2020 TW: Bereavement This week has been pretty difficult – my uncle died on Saturday. He’d been in hospital and it wasn’t the first time that we’d been waiting to see how his recovery would proceed after he’d been in hospital. In some ways, I’m grateful as the pandemic protected me from seeingContinue reading “In this pandemic, we might suddenly realise that the conditions we live in cause people to experience mental health illnesses”

Brave New World? #25

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 28.10.2020 Tony adds his 25th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. We ask that you seekContinue reading “Brave New World? #25”

The news is driving me crazy, our government seems to have decided PR is more important than people’s lives and their livelihood.

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 12.10.2020 I’m angry. I want to throw something. I feel like in spite of all the work I have done on myself in the past year, I am getting dragged back into the dysfunctional drama that causes me so much anxiety. I feel the increase in the emotional claustrophobia that threatens my existence, thatContinue reading “The news is driving me crazy, our government seems to have decided PR is more important than people’s lives and their livelihood.”

My motivation for volunteering during lockdown was almost completely selfish. That’s fine.

This blog is a reblog from Jo‘s personal blog! I am intensely interested in other people. This was even the case when I was sectioned on back in early 2017. Why were the other people on the ward there? What diagnoses did they have? What was their home situation? Did they get visitors? Who wereContinue reading “My motivation for volunteering during lockdown was almost completely selfish. That’s fine.”

If I’m supposed to survive the impending feeling of doom that has been created by the pandemic, I am going to have to find things to look forward to doing.

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 6.10.2020 The last few days have been a real strain on my sense of being. The way I visualise it is a tug of war inside my head between all my different needs. A great example is that on one hand, I am still doing basic functions like eating and on the otherContinue reading “If I’m supposed to survive the impending feeling of doom that has been created by the pandemic, I am going to have to find things to look forward to doing.”

Brave New World? #24

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 15.10.2020 Tony adds his 24th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. This fortnight, Tony’s work featured in Amateur Photographer! This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivativesContinue reading “Brave New World? #24”

Zoom WRAP: “Despite being alone in our living rooms, we bonded.”

Heather’s #MadCovidDiaries – 6th of October 2020 Whole ass-ing a Wellness Recovery Action Plan. I’ve spent the last 5 years facilitating Wellness Recovery Action Plan Groups. I’m going to preface this entry by explaining why many peoples shoulders go up around their ears at the mention of Wellness Recovery Action Planning. It’s understandable. Wellness RecoveryContinue reading “Zoom WRAP: “Despite being alone in our living rooms, we bonded.””

I only now realise that my whole life has been this internal struggle between the person that society wants me to be and the person that I am.

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 28.9.2020 On the way to work today, I had some idea about what I wanted to write about but right now, sitting here in the semi dark, I am struggling to recall or function when all I am able to think about is how much I want to sleep. Last week was reallyContinue reading “I only now realise that my whole life has been this internal struggle between the person that society wants me to be and the person that I am.”

I feel the fear of this never going away. I feel the fear of the impact of the actions of others on us all.

@Outdoorperscrip #MadCovidDiaries – 6th of October 2020 Content warning: Why do I find it so difficult when people break rules? I know it’s something I’ve always struggled with. It’s made me unpopular in work settings when I’ve pulled people up on not doing things properly or rule breaking. I’ve often worked in settings where theContinue reading “I feel the fear of this never going away. I feel the fear of the impact of the actions of others on us all.”

“What are you so happy about? People like you don’t get to be happy in life.’

Heather’s #MadCovidDiaries – 5th of October 2020 Content warning: Abuse One day in my teenage years, I came home excited. I’d been at work experience and I returned brimming full of stories of this new world of work. In this world, people joked and turned the radio up and wore cool shoes, just like myContinue reading ““What are you so happy about? People like you don’t get to be happy in life.’”

Brave New World? #23

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 05.10.2020 Tony adds his 23rd instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. This week Tony has an article in the Derbyshire Times! This work is licensed under a CreativeContinue reading “Brave New World? #23”

We’ve reached a critical point. A decision needs to be made about moving teaching online at universities.

Jo’s #MadCovidDiaries 27.9.2020 Jo’s vlog is out now!  If you’ve enjoyed this vlog, please consider donating to our Hardship Fund for people with a mental health condition who are in financial need during COVID19. Mad Covid is an entirely unfunded group. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. We askContinue reading “We’ve reached a critical point. A decision needs to be made about moving teaching online at universities.”

Brave New World? #22

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 22.9.2020 Tony adds his 22nd instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. This week Tony was on BBC East Midlands Today! Photo’s from Tony’s day trip to Staffordshire: Wildlife,Continue reading “Brave New World? #22”

The simple courtesy of wearing a mask is something autistic people do invisibly all the time, often at great psychological cost.

Hope’s #MadCovidDiaries Tuesday 14.8.2020 TW autism and rape/sexual abuse ‘In wise love each divines the high secret self of the other and, refusing to believe in the mere daily self, creates a mirror where the lover or the beloved sees an image to copy in daily life. Love also creates the mask’. — W. B.Continue reading “The simple courtesy of wearing a mask is something autistic people do invisibly all the time, often at great psychological cost.”

Brave New World? #21

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 16.9.2020 Tony adds his 21st instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. This week Tony was on BBC Derby radio talking about everything he’s up to, including Mad Covid!Continue reading “Brave New World? #21”

I miss connecting with others in person and I fear for a disconnected future, where those of us with disabilities feel excluded from society.

@outdoorperscrip’s #MadCovidDiaries 14.9.2020  What usually helps you when you’re feeling like this? This is possibly one of the most used sentences in mental health support. I wonder how many patients have suddenly found the answer to their distress is solved by that one simple question? I’ve been asked it a few times lately and toContinue reading “I miss connecting with others in person and I fear for a disconnected future, where those of us with disabilities feel excluded from society.”

The outside world for me has always felt scary. In that respect, the pandemic has set me back.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 31.8.2020  This week has been almost normal. I saw my family on the weekend, had lunch with my mum’s cousin and peeled a lot of apples. Okay, the last part is definitely not a normal week but there was something about peeling apples that felt vaguely cathartic, something that I imagine normal peopleContinue reading “The outside world for me has always felt scary. In that respect, the pandemic has set me back.”

I felt a pang of sadness waving my daughter off and a flood of worry for the world she’s growing up in. Will it harm them more or less, the fact that our “new normal” will simply be their “normal”? It’s all they’ll have ever known.

I felt a pang of sadness waving my daughter off and a flood of worry for the world she’s growing up in. Will it harm them more or less, the fact that our “new normal” will simply be their “normal”? It’s all they’ll have ever known.

Human Bean’s #MadCovidDiaries, Week 24: August 31st to September 6th 2020

Brave New World? #20

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 7.9.2020 Tony adds his 20th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. This week, Tony’s photos were chosen for an exhibition at the Canal Visitors Centre, Chesterfield. They wereContinue reading “Brave New World? #20”

COVID19: At its peak, around a thousand loved ones dying became an everyday phenomenon.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 25.9.2020  Interactions and friendships with people have always been a challenge for me. There are times when I speak to people and all the anxiety kind of disappears into the background. Other times, I realise that the interactions make me feel hyper aware and make me consider all the things that I probablyContinue reading “COVID19: At its peak, around a thousand loved ones dying became an everyday phenomenon.”

This will pass

This will pass

@DyslxicRant’s Photographic #MadCovidDiaries

My daughter is really excited about school and I know being with her friends again will be good, even while I am angry that it is mandatory to send them back. I question the morality of trying to get us all “back to normal” with the virus still raging through the population.

My daughter is really excited about school and I know being with her friends again will be good, even while I am angry that it is mandatory to send them back. I question the morality of trying to get us all “back to normal” with the virus still raging through the population.

Human Bean’s #MadCovidDiaries, Week 23: August 24th to August 30th 2020

Drinking always led me into all sorts of situations, and whilst I don’t regret the past, I know that it was a form of numbing the pain inside.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 17.8.2020  There’s an element within me that feels like I have made a huge jump from where I was at the beginning of lockdown or even a month or so ago to where I am now. There have been a lot of repetitive feelings and I feel like I’m living days over andContinue reading “Drinking always led me into all sorts of situations, and whilst I don’t regret the past, I know that it was a form of numbing the pain inside.”

I’ve found that this week, like the first few months of the pandemic, the reality of what we are living through keeps hitting me over and over again. It really feels like nothing will ever be the same again.

I’ve found that this week, like the first few months of the pandemic, the reality of what we are living through keeps hitting me over and over again. It really feels like nothing will ever be the same again.

Human Bean’s #MadCovidDiaries, Week 22: August 17th 2020 to August 23rd 2020

Brave New World? #19

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 24.8.2020 Tony adds his 19th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. This week, Tony has been featured in his local newspaper here and on the BBC. This workContinue reading “Brave New World? #19”

I kept expecting someone to label me ‘attention-seeking’ or warn me I shouldn’t be in Accident and Emergency with the current COVID situation. Instead it was all offers of hot chocolate and reassurances.

@Chlowinfield1’s #MadCovidDiaries 22.8.2020 TW: Self-harm I wrote most of this blog during my first overnight stay in A&E for mental health, and my first A&E visit at all since Covid. I haven’t written much recently, the depression has got so bad I can’t seem to think of coherent words, but I needed something to focusContinue reading “I kept expecting someone to label me ‘attention-seeking’ or warn me I shouldn’t be in Accident and Emergency with the current COVID situation. Instead it was all offers of hot chocolate and reassurances.”

I hit refresh on the BBC news website for the 20th time in a row. My partner tells me to stop obsessing but I can’t help it. This is how I have been throughout lockdown.

@outdoorperscrip‘s #MadCovidDiaries 18.8.2020  I hit refresh on the BBC news website for the 20th time in a row. My partner tells me to stop obsessing but I can’t help it. This is how I have been throughout lockdown. My reason for obsessing on this occasion was due to the A Level results disaster. My daughterContinue reading “I hit refresh on the BBC news website for the 20th time in a row. My partner tells me to stop obsessing but I can’t help it. This is how I have been throughout lockdown.”

The shared trauma of living through this situation has allowed me to feel connections with people that would otherwise be on a completely different wavelength

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 10.8.2020  Well, what a full week. I can’t remember the last time in ages where I felt like I had fed all the different parts of myself: I’ve had time connecting with friends, focused on myself as well as the things I care about. Sometimes I struggle because if I do too muchContinue reading “The shared trauma of living through this situation has allowed me to feel connections with people that would otherwise be on a completely different wavelength”

Brave New World? #18

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 12.8.2020 Tony adds his 18th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. Celebrating the life of Chris Ledger Chris was an artist and major advocate for mental health andContinue reading “Brave New World? #18”

In this pandemic world, I have had moments of crisis but my past experiences really made me reluctant to reach out for help.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 3.8.2020  I’m back home and for the first time in a long time, it really felt like coming home. Of course, I experience anxiety here, lying awake in the middle of the night thinking the house noises means someone might be in the house or the depression clouding over me because I can’tContinue reading “In this pandemic world, I have had moments of crisis but my past experiences really made me reluctant to reach out for help.”

I have a couple of five word slogans for you, Boris; The North is fierce hearted. We won’t be divided now. We choose justice and peace over lies.

Heather‘s #MadCovidDiaries 2.8.2020  My grandparents have lived in Bradford all their life. Grandma worked on the glove counter of Brown and Muffs; which sounds like a euphemism but was a department store that formed part of her glamorous career girl history. Grandad’s father was a music hall pianist, he liked to fill a bath tubContinue reading “I have a couple of five word slogans for you, Boris; The North is fierce hearted. We won’t be divided now. We choose justice and peace over lies.”

When I consume news stories or social media, the world ending in my lifetime feels like an inevitable reality.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 27.7.2020  I’m back at my parents’ house for the first time this year and it’s been almost six months since I last saw them. Whilst I am mostly enjoying the experience, I also feel incredibly overwhelmed today and really feel like I haven’t had the space to decompress without them. The last coupleContinue reading “When I consume news stories or social media, the world ending in my lifetime feels like an inevitable reality.”

Brave New World? #17

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 3.8.2020 Tony adds his 17th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. We ask that you seekContinue reading “Brave New World? #17”

What if there is no “after COVID”?

I feel like this’ll never be ‘over’ and the future just melts together.

What if there is no “after covid”?

Human Bean’s #MadCovidDiaries, Week 18: July 20th to July 26th

Returning back to normal isn’t really an option…I am considering all sorts of things that seemed impossible to me before. I want to live in a world that considers all the diverse needs of individuals in its society.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 20.7.2020  I’ve finally got some time off for the next two weeks and especially this week, I am going to focus on having time for myself. I have recognised that burn out for me is something that happens even when I have the best intentions ; it has as much to do withContinue reading “Returning back to normal isn’t really an option…I am considering all sorts of things that seemed impossible to me before. I want to live in a world that considers all the diverse needs of individuals in its society.”

Brave New World? #16

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 24.7.2020 Tony adds his 16th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. We ask that you seekContinue reading “Brave New World? #16”

I feel so annoyed that many of my friends think people like me are being too anxious and just need help to be less afraid. I feel that I have an accurate view of the COVID risk and they have kidded themselves into being less afraid because they want to “get back to normal”.

I feel so annoyed that many of my friends think people like me are being too anxious and just need help to be less afraid. I feel that I have an accurate view of the COVID risk and they have kidded themselves into being less afraid because they want to “get back to normal”.

Loading…

Something went wrong. Please refresh the page and/or try again.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. We ask that you seek our permission before you use any of our material – this includes researchers who want to harvest our data for analysis!

%d bloggers like this: