What if there is no “after COVID”?

Human Bean’s #MadCovidDiaries, Week 18: July 20th to July 26th 

I’ve taken to crying over music and TV shows. My body feels tense and I’m fearful. I’m sad. I’m anxious. 

This week has been okay otherwise. We even made it out of the house a little bit. We took the kids to a park (field, not playground) for a social distance meet up with some friends. My spouse finally got his hair cut – that made for an impressive before and after I can tell you. 

I’ve been working again on my lockdown crochet blanket after putting it down for about a month. It’ll be weird to have that once it’s done. So many memories of a traumatic time in one item. 

I feel like this’ll never be ‘over’ and the future just melts together. It’s hard to know how to make plans, now. Every time someone talks about something they want to do “after COVID” it’s like a gut punch. I want to shake them. What if there is no “after COVID”? I don’t feel much hope. 

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