Darren’s #MadCovidDiaries 31.03.2021
Had me PIP benefits stopped this week. Which also took away part of my ESA. An act of violence by the DWP, and the government which dictates. I’ve said for a long time that survival is the best you can do on benefits, because survival for me is about managing life with limited choices and a constant threat.
I’ve always maintained that a constant threat is abuse. It’s far too similar to power dynamics that happen in an abusive relationship where you tip toe around them on eggshells. How do we know what it might be like with a fair welfare system, how can we dare dream of this, what would this look like, how might it feel?, is something I don’t dare dream of as it’s too painful to imagine a better future without state violence.
Certainly a system where those that are ablest shouldn’t be in control of those that make decisions on your financial autonomy? Who are the decision makers? What is this entity? It’s certainly a convenient subterfuge for human rights abuses.
I protested with MDPAC for a long time to speak out against this system, I miss the protests, however distressing they got I knew it was a little power I had to resist and frankly I enjoyed pissing off tory MP’s. I say this with the protest legislation which is being put through commons at the minute. I will not stop protesting however much it “hurts feelings”. The government knows full well how much they are attacking us and whatever veil of deceit and piecemeal is filtered through the press it won’t hide this.
The DWP’s human rights abuses we are experiencing will be written into history along with our protests and decent. I’ve done well to survive this first week of benefits loss, it has given me a serious shaking problem which I now have medication for along with constant panic attacks which propranolol seems to be taking the edge off.
My favourite thing in the whole decision letter was how the “entity” wrote it as if I had said everything to help them make their decision and they (semantically) agreed with my summation that I had gotten better and thus didn’t qualify for help anymore. It’s so fucking childishly written it’s beyond a joke and it feels very much like a letter you’d get on a playground, the attempt at manipulation and gaslighting is laughable and scary all at the same time.
Dear DWP decision maker I agree with your words that in reality you are a violent clownish frisbee of death and thus deserve all my protesting pissed offness and words of democide, therefore I’ve awarded you all the points to qualify as a moat counter. I received zero points, which is about as hostile as it can get.
From one person on benefits to another, you are valuable. I wrote several versions of this as I’ve been in such a mess. I hope this finds others well and I understand that this might be a scary thing to read in terms of perpetuating our fear of losing benefits. I am unsure if it’s a responsible thing to write and share with this in mind. I’d be interested in views on this. With the energy I have left for this world I am left with anger, which seem to be carrying me through for now.
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