“My experience this week of trying to get urgent mental health support has been a groundhog week I’ve repeated many times in the past. …you have to start at the beginning again, and your knowledge of yourself counts for nothing.”

An Anonymous #MadCovidDiaries 12.02.2021 TW: Suicidal thoughts, Self-harm. There are so many ways I could have started this blog… With the time on Wednesday when I gave up trying to get hold of a GP as I couldn’t get through the receptionist questions. With the time on Tuesday when my partner said why is itContinue reading ““My experience this week of trying to get urgent mental health support has been a groundhog week I’ve repeated many times in the past. …you have to start at the beginning again, and your knowledge of yourself counts for nothing.””

“I am feeling incredibly raw at the moment, perhaps it’s because there is nothing to look forward to, perhaps it’s because I know that this mess of a pandemic and lockdown is an ongoing matter and I find it hard to escape from this feeling..”

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 15.02.2020 So I am struggling to finish writing so this is kind of another split post across two weeks, funny the patterns we fall into to survive… You know, I forget that when I tell other people that I am “mad”, that maybe they don’t react as receptively as I would hope. Admittedly, IContinue reading ““I am feeling incredibly raw at the moment, perhaps it’s because there is nothing to look forward to, perhaps it’s because I know that this mess of a pandemic and lockdown is an ongoing matter and I find it hard to escape from this feeling..””

Brave New World? #29

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 11.2.2020 Tony adds his 29th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his trips under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. ‘Only the Lonely’ – how the pandemic added an extra dimension to Tony Fisher’s loneliness project | Showcase |Continue reading “Brave New World? #29”

“My psychiatrist and care coordinator have admitted that the CMHT is overwhelmed with new referrals, who are suffering mentally as a result of the pandemic. How do they make room for this coronavirus influx? By getting rid of their long-termers.”

@lucywriter’s #MadCovidDiaries 05.02.2021 TW: Suicide, Self-Harm ‘It was a pleasure talking to you, Lucy,’ he says on the phone. ‘I hope not to see you again.’ And just like that, after seven years, my psychiatrist has discharged me from secondary mental health services in one 20-minute phone call. I knew it was coming; it wasContinue reading ““My psychiatrist and care coordinator have admitted that the CMHT is overwhelmed with new referrals, who are suffering mentally as a result of the pandemic. How do they make room for this coronavirus influx? By getting rid of their long-termers.””

“We have a social obligation to understand that bullying culture is downright dangerous. Even in small sections of society, giving the wrong people power can ruin and potentially end lives.”

TW: Anxiety, OCD. @mugamnesty’s #MadCovidDiaries 4.2.2020 In early July 2010 I was finishing my first year at a new school. It wasn’t a big school and I’d been glad to leave my previous one (a private girls’ school rife with bitchiness and disordered eating). I’d been fortunate enough to secure a place at the newContinue reading ““We have a social obligation to understand that bullying culture is downright dangerous. Even in small sections of society, giving the wrong people power can ruin and potentially end lives.””

“The isolation from the pandemic almost makes me miss sleeping on the streets.”

An Anonymous #MadCovidDiaries 29.01.2021 (Content warning: mentions CSA, rape, homelessness, suicide attempts, self-harm). The isolation from the pandemic almost makes me miss sleeping on the streets – I know that is something most people will find really hard to understand. I think I’ve felt lonely for my whole life. As a child I was withdrawn,Continue reading ““The isolation from the pandemic almost makes me miss sleeping on the streets.””

“I want to remind any health professional that the most difficult situations, at least for me, arose from being treated like I had no understanding or agency over my life and decisions.”

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 2.02.2020 TW: Bereavement So I have been struggling to dedicate time the last few weeks. I wrote this a few weeks ago and I wanted to share this first to set the context of where my head has been… This week has made me worry that I am overdoing everything. It feels almostContinue reading ““I want to remind any health professional that the most difficult situations, at least for me, arose from being treated like I had no understanding or agency over my life and decisions.””

“My regulatory body emailed to tell me that I had been reported by one of the AMHP’s who assessed me during the summer as unfit to do my job because of my mental health. An AMHP who had met me once.”

@RelapseRover’s #MadCovidDiaries 29.01.2021 Working and being Mad in Covid times Early 2020 I was admitted to hospital for the 8th time in 3 years. I was discharged a week before Covid hit. I was off work for 5 months but my return went well. My lovely colleagues had decorated my desk and bought me giftsContinue reading ““My regulatory body emailed to tell me that I had been reported by one of the AMHP’s who assessed me during the summer as unfit to do my job because of my mental health. An AMHP who had met me once.””

“I accept that the things that make me seem mad are also the things that make me incredibly productive, a loyal friend and someone with buckets full of empathy.”

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 12.01.2020 TW: Suicidal thoughts Everything feels overwhelming but not in the way that you would expect; I actually feel like my life is slowly coming together. If you’d told me two weeks ago that I would have managed to sleep before midnight for a week as well as waking up before 7am, IContinue reading ““I accept that the things that make me seem mad are also the things that make me incredibly productive, a loyal friend and someone with buckets full of empathy.””

Prison was the most soul-destroying experience of my life. The harshness of my surroundings ground away at my soul daily until one day, I had no coping beans left.

@Asteroid_Caller’s #MadCovidDiaries 26.01.2020 Solitary Prison was the most soul-destroying experience of my life. While psychotic, I coped. While psychotic, prison was a simulation created by my friends. I trusted that they would not make it harder than my capacity to endure. When I came around I realised where I was. The harshness of my surroundingsContinue reading “Prison was the most soul-destroying experience of my life. The harshness of my surroundings ground away at my soul daily until one day, I had no coping beans left.”

I think knitting does my mental health good. It allows me to put the many flickering tabs my brain has open into stasis whilst my hands take over with a restful muscle memory.

Heather’s #MadCovidDiaries 24.01.2020 In, over through and out! That was my mantra when I had my first psychotic break. My mum placed a pair of knitting needles in my hands and she explained that knitting had been what kept her going through 3 months of pregnancy bedrest. Her mother in law had handed her aContinue reading “I think knitting does my mental health good. It allows me to put the many flickering tabs my brain has open into stasis whilst my hands take over with a restful muscle memory.”

Grieving for an imaginary baby – the loneliness of psychosis

@MiserySquid’s #MadCovidDiaries 23.01.2021                       Trigger warning: psychosis, suicidal ideation, self-injury, miscarriage, infanticide. I was 21 years old when I had my first psychosis. I was picked up by the police in the middle of the night, wandering the streets barefoot, clicking and whistling, tapping and clapping imaginary codes at the cameras in the streetlights. IContinue reading “Grieving for an imaginary baby – the loneliness of psychosis”

“If you can move through life without psychiatric medication, that is a privilege. If you can enjoy and celebrate your emancipation from psychiatry’s ugly clutches, that is a privilege”

David Mordecai’s #MadCovidDiaries – January 2021 TW: Mania, Advanced Dementia I am tired (but cannot sleep). I am angry. I am frustrated. I am deeply disappointed. And I am grieving. Apologies in advance that this will be more disjointed than my past MadCovid Diaries entries. My father is at the end of a journey myContinue reading ““If you can move through life without psychiatric medication, that is a privilege. If you can enjoy and celebrate your emancipation from psychiatry’s ugly clutches, that is a privilege””

“My therapist emailed to say she would no longer be seeing me face to face due to the new Covid strain / lock-down. The previous lock-down was horrific without face-to-face support. It’s not an experience I would ever want to repeat.”

@Chlowinfield1’s #MadCovidDiaries 15.1.2021 TW: Suicide and Self-harm Last week my therapist emailed me to say she would no longer be seeing me face to face due to the new Covid strain/lock-down and me not being able to wear a mask (I have an exemption and can wear it for short periods e.g. on the busContinue reading ““My therapist emailed to say she would no longer be seeing me face to face due to the new Covid strain / lock-down. The previous lock-down was horrific without face-to-face support. It’s not an experience I would ever want to repeat.””

“I was finally diagnosed as autistic, via a long awaited assessment. It was done virtually… I’m in my mid thirties, and I feel grief that I went so long without this understanding of myself.”

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries 13.12.2020 The good side of my personal circumstances at the moment: my partner is able to teach from home for a little while, my kids are off school and nursery. We can hunker down for a while and be relatively safe. I’m really grateful for that, and for this time together. I’mContinue reading ““I was finally diagnosed as autistic, via a long awaited assessment. It was done virtually… I’m in my mid thirties, and I feel grief that I went so long without this understanding of myself.””

One phone call with a professional would have made a huge difference when I was in the depths of anxiety and paranoia. I’m so grateful my family and friends were there for me, but it scares me to think of others suffering without that support.

TW: Anxiety, OCD. @mugamnesty’s #MadCovidDiaries 25.12.2020 In August I returned to my job and apartment, after spending ‘lockdown 1.0’ back home with my parents and brother. I was thrilled and knew how lucky I was to be getting my life back. As a professional worrier and over-thinker, I’d expected low-level problems with a flat thatContinue reading “One phone call with a professional would have made a huge difference when I was in the depths of anxiety and paranoia. I’m so grateful my family and friends were there for me, but it scares me to think of others suffering without that support.”

“It feels like we are back to where we were in April. I miss my parents in ways that I can’t comprehend, which leaves me unable to communicate with them because I feel like it creates too much internal pain”.

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 4.01.2020 TW: Suicidal thoughts Wow, I didn’t realise until I am writing now that I took such a long break from this. Last week was a complete disaster as apparently taking a break from everything was not the reset that I hoped for leading to strange sleeping schedules (5am – 5pm), no showering,Continue reading ““It feels like we are back to where we were in April. I miss my parents in ways that I can’t comprehend, which leaves me unable to communicate with them because I feel like it creates too much internal pain”.”

The expectation is this: under these unusual circumstances, one should suffer more with their mental health. Years of adversity and intense emotional crisis gives me resilience; I move parallel to these restrictions.

Amanda’s #MadCovidDiaries 25.12.2020 Flow with It. The expectation is this: under these unusual circumstances, one should suffer more with their mental health. Although that is true for many, on the contrary, I grow deeper into my art and discover resonance for my personal mission. Years of adversity and intense emotional crisis gives me resilience; IContinue reading “The expectation is this: under these unusual circumstances, one should suffer more with their mental health. Years of adversity and intense emotional crisis gives me resilience; I move parallel to these restrictions.”

Brave New World? #28

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 11.12.2020 Tony adds his 28th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his trips under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. No longer the “ happy to chat bench” Happy to slap a fine bench Don’t sit here Not forContinue reading “Brave New World? #28”

Tamar’s Lived Experience Practitioner’s (LXP) #DriscriminationDiaries

Tamar’s #MadCovidDiaries 10.01.2020 Over the last month Tamar has been documenting the discrimination she has experienced as a Lived Experience Practitioner using video diaries or vlogs. You can catch up on them all here, or you can scroll down and watch a few select diaries. If you are able to assist Tamar on legal mattersContinue reading “Tamar’s Lived Experience Practitioner’s (LXP) #DriscriminationDiaries”