I felt a pang of sadness waving my daughter off and a flood of worry for the world she’s growing up in. Will it harm them more or less, the fact that our “new normal” will simply be their “normal”? It’s all they’ll have ever known.

Human Bean’s #MadCovidDiaries, Week 24: August 31st to September 6th 2020

My daughter started school for the first time this week. She’s only done a few half days so far but she seems to love it. I felt a pang of sadness waving her off and a flood of worry for the world she’s growing up in. Will it harm them more or less, the fact that our “new normal” (I hate that phrase) will simply be their “normal”? It’s all they’ll have ever known. 

I’m exhausted. I’m questioning how long I can keep up weekly blogs, because everything seems so tiring at the moment, so if you only hear from me sporadically from now on – that’s why. I keep thinking that there might be a time in the future when I’m less tired, and I realised I’ve been waiting for that day for literally years. What if I always feel this way? Like I’m wading through treacle. 

My younger child is enjoying the one on one time, I think. She’s had attention from her dad and I, but I think it’s nice now he’s back teaching and her sister is in school and we can connect just us. Not that there is anything for us to do! I’m not allowed to take her to the library and I’m not risking the soft play. 

I’m adjusting, as I generally struggle with change. I’m just giving myself time to cope with it and not getting huge amounts else done. That’s OK. 

I see the COVID numbers are creeping up all over the place and I wonder how many they will allow to die this time before we are back in lockdown. Sorry for the negative ending, but it’s the truth of it to me. No one I know is attempting to social distance except me any more. Some days it makes me feel like I dreamt the whole thing! A nightmare, that is still going on. 

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