Before COVID there were so many places I could have gone if I wanted to. Did I waste the chance? No. Let’s face it, I never had the spoons.

Human Bean’s #MadCovidDiaries, Week 20: August 3rd to August 9th

I realised I’ve been telling myself all this time that I don’t like going places anyway so I don’t miss my freedom – I understand now that that isn’t true. Some of it is just missing the potential of it. Before COVID there were so many places I could have gone if I wanted to. Did I waste the chance? No. Let’s face it, I never had the spoons. 

This week has been a full on week of adulting and I’m feeling really burnt out. I drove for the first time since February. I hate driving! It gives me so much anxiety! But I have driven three times this week, which would have been a lot even before *gestures wildly* all of this. 

We managed to go on a family day out for a walk by a river. There weren’t many other people around so it was easy to social distance. We had a really nice time, I’m so glad we did that. I also went out to the opticians twice, as it turns out my daughter needs glasses and we had to go back for more tests. It was very nerve-wracking being in close proximity with so many people, and strange (but reassuring) that they were all in lots of PPE. I hope it was enough to protect us. It’s scary living with the possibility that we may have caught COVID and not know it yet. 

My daughter and I stopped to listen to a busker in the street. He was playing “what a wonderful world” as folks in masks drifted by. What a world. I struggled to hold the tears in. 

It seems like no one I know is social distancing any more. My Facebook and Instagram is full of pictures of friends with their faces pushed cheek to cheek, grinning for selfies, and aunties and grandparents cuddling kids (some of which is for childcare reasons, I appreciate). I’m hoping there are plenty like us, who are still following the rules, but it makes me angry that so many aren’t. Their risk is our risk (especially when it is the kids that will be in my daughter’s class at school). It isn’t fair.

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