Pink Gin in the Street – Derren Brown and the Corona Virus #10

Content Warning – alcohol, psychosis, self-injury, painkillers, grief, imaginary children. I don’t remember exactly how long I was ‘missing’ for, in my mind I was never lost. I’m always connected to the codes, live streaming my movements, receiving messages in car number plates and songs and television programmes. I remember long lists of red missedContinue reading “Pink Gin in the Street – Derren Brown and the Corona Virus #10”

Psychosis Hair Dye Spies at the Holland House Hotel: Derren Brown and the Corona Virus #9

Content Warning – psychosis, delusions, homelessness, ligature, self-injury, first aid. I stand in front of the hotel reception desk and wait for someone to appear. An Uber driving Derren Brown extra picked me up from the council homeless office and helped carry my plastic bags full of belonging to the reception foyer. The bags areContinue reading “Psychosis Hair Dye Spies at the Holland House Hotel: Derren Brown and the Corona Virus #9”

“If you do not leave the ward, I will call the police and have you removed”

Derren Brown Vs the Corona Virus #8 Content warning: psychosis, infanticide, ligature, sexual violence, delusions, self-injury, suicide. There has been another admission, another tearing from reality into confused nightmare delusions, madness and chaos and emergency services. I have given birth to a baby that is also a blanket, I clasp it to my chest defensively,Continue reading ““If you do not leave the ward, I will call the police and have you removed””

Derren Brown vs the Coronavirus #7 – Omicron is Coming

I lie in bed listening to a seagull shriek outside, a short shrill scream that tears across the still dark morning. I woke up agitated, turning over gently so as not to put pressure on my tender arm, still aching from yesterday’s vaccination injection. Two bus trips from my house, I sat in a coldContinue reading “Derren Brown vs the Coronavirus #7 – Omicron is Coming”

Derren Brown is Making Me Fit.

By @miserysquid Content warning: references to self-injury and sexual abuse. Delusions and non-epileptic seizures.  Derren Brown is making me fit. Tic, tic, tic, my head twitches, there’s a woozy feeling, a quickening pulse in my neck. Mostly I fall slowly, more of a crumpling, landing softly on my thighs and the tops of my arms, easing into it. If there’sContinue reading “Derren Brown is Making Me Fit.”

Grieving for an imaginary baby – the loneliness of psychosis

@MiserySquid’s #MadCovidDiaries 23.01.2021                       Trigger warning: psychosis, suicidal ideation, self-injury, miscarriage, infanticide. I was 21 years old when I had my first psychosis. I was picked up by the police in the middle of the night, wandering the streets barefoot, clicking and whistling, tapping and clapping imaginary codes at the cameras in the streetlights. IContinue reading “Grieving for an imaginary baby – the loneliness of psychosis”

How can I speak up when you can hold me down? Restrictive practice on an acute ward – an inpatient perspective.

@MiserySquid’s #MadCovidDiaries 09.12.2020 Trigger warning: contains references to self-injury and ligature, detainment and coercive practice.              There is a purple handprint on my left shoulder blade. I twist my neck in the mirror to get a good look at it. Four clear fingers, a thumb and a round violet palm mark. It’s possible that itContinue reading “How can I speak up when you can hold me down? Restrictive practice on an acute ward – an inpatient perspective.”

Derren Brown vs the Coronavirus: my paranoid pandemic #5

This is the fifth and final in a series of diaries written at the beginning of the pandemic, by the inspiring and amazing @miserysquid . We’ll be releasing a new diary entry from @miserysquid, every morning this week. You can find @miserysquid’s first, second, third and fourth diary entries here. Trigger Warning: self-harm, suicidal ideation,Continue reading “Derren Brown vs the Coronavirus: my paranoid pandemic #5”

Derren Brown vs the Coronavirus: my paranoid pandemic #4

This is the fourth in a series of diaries written at the beginning of the pandemic, by the inspiring and amazing @miserysquid . We’ll be releasing a new diary entry from @miserysquid, every morning this week. You can find @miserysquid’s first, second and third diary entries here. Trigger Warning: self-harm, suicidal ideation, hypomania, psychosis, paranoia,Continue reading “Derren Brown vs the Coronavirus: my paranoid pandemic #4”

Derren Brown vs the Coronavirus: my paranoid pandemic #3

This is the third in a series of diaries written at the beginning of the pandemic, by the inspiring and amazing @miserysquid . We’ll be releasing a new diary entry from @miserysquid, every morning this week. You can find @miserysquid’s first diary here and second diary here. Trigger Warning: self-harm, suicidal ideation, hypomania, psychosis, paranoia.Continue reading “Derren Brown vs the Coronavirus: my paranoid pandemic #3”

Derren Brown vs the Coronavirus: my paranoid pandemic #2

This is the second in a series of diaries written at the beginning of the pandemic, by the inspiring and amazing @miserysquid. We’ll be releasing a new diary entry from @miserysquid, every morning this week. You can find @miserysquid’s first diary entry here. Trigger Warning: self-harm, suicidal ideation, hypomania, psychosis, paranoia. Tuesday 24th March –Continue reading “Derren Brown vs the Coronavirus: my paranoid pandemic #2”

Derren Brown vs the Coronavirus: my paranoid pandemic #1

This is the first in a series of diaries written at the beginning of the pandemic, by the inspiring and amazing @miserysquid . We’ll be releasing a new diary entry from @miserysquid, every morning this week. Trigger Warning: self-harm, suicidal ideation, hypomania, restraint, ECT, psychosis, paranoia. Sunday 22nd March 2020 – 02:15am I can’t sleep.Continue reading “Derren Brown vs the Coronavirus: my paranoid pandemic #1”