Trying not to think about death

Content warning: death, suicidal ideation ‘I’m worried you’re planning your own death’ my care coordinator says, looking up from the piece of paper she has balanced on her knees. She’s been scribbling on it for the last half an hour, stopping occasionally to ask me questions. We’re sat in a strange half-finished room in theContinue reading “Trying not to think about death”

What is it like to attend BIGSPD as a personality disorder activist?

This is the second blog in our series about the British and Irish Group for the Study of Personality Disorder (BIGSPD) conference. While the first was a perspective from the outside, this will tell the view from the inside. In 2017, the survivor activist group Personality Disorder in the Bin (PD in the Bin) wasContinue reading “What is it like to attend BIGSPD as a personality disorder activist?”

Actions speak louder than words: what are BIGSPD’s values?

Content note: suicide, child abuse, iatrogenic trauma The British and Irish Group for the Study of Personality Disorder (BIGSPD) are an organisation formed in 1999 to provide a forum for networking in the field of personality disorder. They run a popular conference annually that aims to feature new research, service developments and user involvement. TheContinue reading “Actions speak louder than words: what are BIGSPD’s values?”

Psychosis Hair Dye Spies at the Holland House Hotel: Derren Brown and the Corona Virus #9

Content Warning – psychosis, delusions, homelessness, ligature, self-injury, first aid. I stand in front of the hotel reception desk and wait for someone to appear. An Uber driving Derren Brown extra picked me up from the council homeless office and helped carry my plastic bags full of belonging to the reception foyer. The bags areContinue reading “Psychosis Hair Dye Spies at the Holland House Hotel: Derren Brown and the Corona Virus #9”

Therapy in the ‘New Normal’

Content note: childhood abuse By Katy Evans As we approach the ‘new normal’ following Covid, it concerns me that many therapists plan to continue working online and claim it’s no different to working in-person. Whilst some people find online therapy easier, for me as a survivor and disabled person, this could not be further from the truth. When Covid began IContinue reading “Therapy in the ‘New Normal’”

“If you do not leave the ward, I will call the police and have you removed”

Derren Brown Vs the Corona Virus #8 Content warning: psychosis, infanticide, ligature, sexual violence, delusions, self-injury, suicide. There has been another admission, another tearing from reality into confused nightmare delusions, madness and chaos and emergency services. I have given birth to a baby that is also a blanket, I clasp it to my chest defensively,Continue reading ““If you do not leave the ward, I will call the police and have you removed””

PIP is described by the government as ‘extra money to help you with everyday life if you have an illness, disability or mental health condition’. For disabled people, that now means ‘PIP can help you with the extortionate costs of having a shower’

PIP is described by the government as ‘extra money to help you with everyday life if you have an illness, disability or mental health condition’. For disabled people, that now means ‘PIP can help you with the extortionate costs of having a shower’

Thorn In The Flesh: Absolutely A Diagnosis of Exclusion

Mad Covid College will be presenting an exciting new course on personality disorders this summer. Relying heavily on bigotry and contempt, the course will take an uncompromising approach to guide psychiatrists on managing these difficult, manipulative and demanding patients. The thorn in your flesh* no longer has to be the bane of your professional life!Continue reading “Thorn In The Flesh: Absolutely A Diagnosis of Exclusion”

Sometimes I want to be unreasonable

I’m writing an email to my care-coordinator. I’ve spent the last hour on it. I am writing and rewriting, going over every word as carefully as I can. I question whether I am coming off as too demanding and try to be careful to get the tone just right: considered, measured and unemotional. I amContinue reading “Sometimes I want to be unreasonable”

I am not your continuing professional development

I love the community that exists on #MadTwitter. I follow both service users and mental health professionals, several who follow me back. I enjoy our conversations and am genuinely heartened by these mental health professionals allyship when it comes to divisive issues in the mental health system, particularly around how those of us with aContinue reading “I am not your continuing professional development”

Homeless in the UK

Trigger warning: mentions of abuse, rape, miscarriage and medical mistreatment Yesterday I was made homeless. I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this. Four months ago, when our landlord told us he was selling the house, I had been sure we’d find somewhere to live. I spent months registering with letting agents and refreshing RightMoveContinue reading “Homeless in the UK”

Derren Brown is Making Me Fit.

By @miserysquid Content warning: references to self-injury and sexual abuse. Delusions and non-epileptic seizures.  Derren Brown is making me fit. Tic, tic, tic, my head twitches, there’s a woozy feeling, a quickening pulse in my neck. Mostly I fall slowly, more of a crumpling, landing softly on my thighs and the tops of my arms, easing into it. If there’sContinue reading “Derren Brown is Making Me Fit.”

“I never want to stop being angry, because knowing I deserved better isn’t a feeling I’ve often felt. I treasure it. My anger is my self-respect.”

By Rosie Smith, @rosiefolksongs  Looking back in Anger When I was diagnosed with bipolar, I was shocked by the fact I didn’t feel angry. I was confused at finally being able to call myself that, to describe my own experiences for what they were. But I wasn’t angry. I figured it would come with time.Continue reading ““I never want to stop being angry, because knowing I deserved better isn’t a feeling I’ve often felt. I treasure it. My anger is my self-respect.””

“Is mad activism a queer issue?”

By Rosie Smith, @rosiefolksongs  STRONG Trigger Warnings: Sexual abuse, transphobia Wheesht Its strange seeing Scots (a language in its own right) being used outwith its normal bounds; namely a few eccentric academics and working class grannies. I doubt the promoters of the latest transphobic hashtag would appreciate much if I gave them a stirring renditionContinue reading ““Is mad activism a queer issue?””

We are not all left standing

Rachel Rowan Olive CW: suicide, iatrogenic abuse and neglect There is a poem by Clint Smith which opens: When people say “we have made it through worse before” / all I hear is the wind slapping against the gravestones / of those who did not make it. I think about it a lot. Sometimes theContinue reading “We are not all left standing”

Brave New World? #31

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiaries 14.5.2021 Tony adds his 31st instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his trips under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. Tony has an exhibition opening on May 17th to June the 27th at the Peak District Museum, Matlock, BathContinue reading “Brave New World? #31”