Derren Brown is Making Me Fit.

By @miserysquid Content warning: references to self-injury and sexual abuse. Delusions and non-epileptic seizures.  Derren Brown is making me fit. Tic, tic, tic, my head twitches, there’s a woozy feeling, a quickening pulse in my neck. Mostly I fall slowly, more of a crumpling, landing softly on my thighs and the tops of my arms, easing into it. If there’sContinue reading “Derren Brown is Making Me Fit.”

“I never want to stop being angry, because knowing I deserved better isn’t a feeling I’ve often felt. I treasure it. My anger is my self-respect.”

By Rosie Smith, @rosiefolksongs  Looking back in Anger When I was diagnosed with bipolar, I was shocked by the fact I didn’t feel angry. I was confused at finally being able to call myself that, to describe my own experiences for what they were. But I wasn’t angry. I figured it would come with time.Continue reading ““I never want to stop being angry, because knowing I deserved better isn’t a feeling I’ve often felt. I treasure it. My anger is my self-respect.””

“Is mad activism a queer issue?”

By Rosie Smith, @rosiefolksongs  STRONG Trigger Warnings: Sexual abuse, transphobia Wheesht Its strange seeing Scots (a language in its own right) being used outwith its normal bounds; namely a few eccentric academics and working class grannies. I doubt the promoters of the latest transphobic hashtag would appreciate much if I gave them a stirring renditionContinue reading ““Is mad activism a queer issue?””

We are not all left standing

Rachel Rowan Olive CW: suicide, iatrogenic abuse and neglect There is a poem by Clint Smith which opens: When people say “we have made it through worse before” / all I hear is the wind slapping against the gravestones / of those who did not make it. I think about it a lot. Sometimes theContinue reading “We are not all left standing”

Brave New World? #31

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiaries 14.5.2021 Tony adds his 31st instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his trips under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. Tony has an exhibition opening on May 17th to June the 27th at the Peak District Museum, Matlock, BathContinue reading “Brave New World? #31”

“Criminalising people has somehow become acceptable mental health care. This approach strikes me as the latest evolution of the deserving/undeserving narrative… that is culturally embedded in mainstream services.”

An Anonymous #MadCovidDiaries 21.02.2021 TW: Police, self-harm, suicide As a mental health charity worker I frequently cross paths with other organisations who support people coming out of prison. The messages are clear – prison often has a devastating effect on people’s physical and mental health and future prospects. Adapting back to life in the communityContinue reading ““Criminalising people has somehow become acceptable mental health care. This approach strikes me as the latest evolution of the deserving/undeserving narrative… that is culturally embedded in mainstream services.””

#StopSIM Coalition Preliminary Consensus Statement (21.04.21) and Statement of Concern about the ‘EVIDENCE BASE’ relating to the High Intensity Network (HIN) and Serenity Integrated Mentoring (SIM) (22.04.21)

“The DWP’s human rights abuses we are experiencing will be written into history along with our protests and descent. From one person on benefits to another, you are valuable.”

TW: DWP Darren’s #MadCovidDiaries 31.03.2021 Had me PIP benefits stopped this week. Which also took away part of my ESA. An act of violence by the DWP, and the government which dictates. I’ve said for a long time that survival is the best you can do on benefits, because survival for me is about managingContinue reading ““The DWP’s human rights abuses we are experiencing will be written into history along with our protests and descent. From one person on benefits to another, you are valuable.””

No room at the inn: it’s not as simple as just asking for help

@Outdoorperscrip #MadCovidDiaries – 11th of April 2021 TW: Eating disorders, suicide, suicide methods It’s taken me around 4 months since I left hospital to feel able to write this. Part of me was desperate for the involved services that treated me to acknowledge how their treatment wasn’t helpful and put me at risk. I madeContinue reading “No room at the inn: it’s not as simple as just asking for help”

“I’m back… it’s been a while since I’ve been able to write. I do love writing in this way and… after being inspired by a fellow diarist saying they’d written this week, I felt that now was as good a time as any.”

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 09.04.2021 I’m back…So it’s been a while since I’ve been able to write and part of that has been because I feel as if I have been busy with so many things and part of it is just lack of motivation. I do love writing in this way and have seen the benefitsContinue reading ““I’m back… it’s been a while since I’ve been able to write. I do love writing in this way and… after being inspired by a fellow diarist saying they’d written this week, I felt that now was as good a time as any.””

Brave New World? #30

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiarIES 11.4.2021 Tony adds his 30th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his trips under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. Tony has an exhibition opening on May 17th to June the 27th at the Peak District Museum, Matlock, BathContinue reading “Brave New World? #30”

‘We don’t fuck about, do we?’: MadCovid, 1 year on

On this day last year – 17 March 2020 – the Hardship Solidarity Fund GoFundMe page was set up for donations after Bethan and Jo had been in conversation about it since early March. Around the same time, Bethan set up the MadCovid WordPress site to publish Mad people’s diaries, with the aim of documentingContinue reading “‘We don’t fuck about, do we?’: MadCovid, 1 year on”

“I am feeling incredibly raw at the moment, perhaps it’s because there is nothing to look forward to, perhaps it’s because I know that this mess of a pandemic and lockdown is an ongoing matter and I find it hard to escape from this feeling..”

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 15.02.2020 So I am struggling to finish writing so this is kind of another split post across two weeks, funny the patterns we fall into to survive… You know, I forget that when I tell other people that I am “mad”, that maybe they don’t react as receptively as I would hope. Admittedly, IContinue reading ““I am feeling incredibly raw at the moment, perhaps it’s because there is nothing to look forward to, perhaps it’s because I know that this mess of a pandemic and lockdown is an ongoing matter and I find it hard to escape from this feeling..””

“My experience this week of trying to get urgent mental health support has been a groundhog week I’ve repeated many times in the past. …you have to start at the beginning again, and your knowledge of yourself counts for nothing.”

An Anonymous #MadCovidDiaries 12.02.2021 TW: Suicidal thoughts, Self-harm. There are so many ways I could have started this blog… With the time on Wednesday when I gave up trying to get hold of a GP as I couldn’t get through the receptionist questions. With the time on Tuesday when my partner said why is itContinue reading ““My experience this week of trying to get urgent mental health support has been a groundhog week I’ve repeated many times in the past. …you have to start at the beginning again, and your knowledge of yourself counts for nothing.””

Brave New World? #29

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 11.2.2020 Tony adds his 29th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his trips under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. ‘Only the Lonely’ – how the pandemic added an extra dimension to Tony Fisher’s loneliness project | Showcase |Continue reading “Brave New World? #29”

“My psychiatrist and care coordinator have admitted that the CMHT is overwhelmed with new referrals, who are suffering mentally as a result of the pandemic. How do they make room for this coronavirus influx? By getting rid of their long-termers.”

@lucywriter’s #MadCovidDiaries 05.02.2021 TW: Suicide, Self-Harm ‘It was a pleasure talking to you, Lucy,’ he says on the phone. ‘I hope not to see you again.’ And just like that, after seven years, my psychiatrist has discharged me from secondary mental health services in one 20-minute phone call. I knew it was coming; it wasContinue reading ““My psychiatrist and care coordinator have admitted that the CMHT is overwhelmed with new referrals, who are suffering mentally as a result of the pandemic. How do they make room for this coronavirus influx? By getting rid of their long-termers.””

“The isolation from the pandemic almost makes me miss sleeping on the streets.”

An Anonymous #MadCovidDiaries 29.01.2021 (Content warning: mentions CSA, rape, homelessness, suicide attempts, self-harm). The isolation from the pandemic almost makes me miss sleeping on the streets – I know that is something most people will find really hard to understand. I think I’ve felt lonely for my whole life. As a child I was withdrawn,Continue reading ““The isolation from the pandemic almost makes me miss sleeping on the streets.””

“I want to remind any health professional that the most difficult situations, at least for me, arose from being treated like I had no understanding or agency over my life and decisions.”

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 2.02.2020 TW: Bereavement So I have been struggling to dedicate time the last few weeks. I wrote this a few weeks ago and I wanted to share this first to set the context of where my head has been… This week has made me worry that I am overdoing everything. It feels almostContinue reading ““I want to remind any health professional that the most difficult situations, at least for me, arose from being treated like I had no understanding or agency over my life and decisions.””