Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 17.8.2020 There’s an element within me that feels like I have made a huge jump from where I was at the beginning of lockdown or even a month or so ago to where I am now. There have been a lot of repetitive feelings and I feel like I’m living days over andContinue reading “Drinking always led me into all sorts of situations, and whilst I don’t regret the past, I know that it was a form of numbing the pain inside.”
I’ve found that this week, like the first few months of the pandemic, the reality of what we are living through keeps hitting me over and over again. It really feels like nothing will ever be the same again.
Human Bean’s #MadCovidDiaries, Week 22: August 17th 2020 to August 23rd 2020
@Chlowinfield1’s #MadCovidDiaries 22.8.2020 TW: Self-harm I wrote most of this blog during my first overnight stay in A&E for mental health, and my first A&E visit at all since Covid. I haven’t written much recently, the depression has got so bad I can’t seem to think of coherent words, but I needed something to focusContinue reading “I kept expecting someone to label me ‘attention-seeking’ or warn me I shouldn’t be in Accident and Emergency with the current COVID situation. Instead it was all offers of hot chocolate and reassurances.”
I felt like a piece of meat turning over for the scan. I dissociated from myself and no longer was a person. This is what trauma and autism in a pandemic feels like.
Human Bean’s #MadCovidDiaries, Week 21: August 10th to August 16th 2020
Trigger warnings: medical talk, self injury, trauma
@outdoorperscrip‘s #MadCovidDiaries 18.8.2020 I hit refresh on the BBC news website for the 20th time in a row. My partner tells me to stop obsessing but I can’t help it. This is how I have been throughout lockdown. My reason for obsessing on this occasion was due to the A Level results disaster. My daughterContinue reading “I hit refresh on the BBC news website for the 20th time in a row. My partner tells me to stop obsessing but I can’t help it. This is how I have been throughout lockdown.”
Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 10.8.2020 Well, what a full week. I can’t remember the last time in ages where I felt like I had fed all the different parts of myself: I’ve had time connecting with friends, focused on myself as well as the things I care about. Sometimes I struggle because if I do too muchContinue reading “The shared trauma of living through this situation has allowed me to feel connections with people that would otherwise be on a completely different wavelength”
Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 3.8.2020 I’m back home and for the first time in a long time, it really felt like coming home. Of course, I experience anxiety here, lying awake in the middle of the night thinking the house noises means someone might be in the house or the depression clouding over me because I can’tContinue reading “In this pandemic world, I have had moments of crisis but my past experiences really made me reluctant to reach out for help.”
Before COVID there were so many places I could have gone if I wanted to. Did I waste the chance? No. Let’s face it, I never had the spoons.
Human Bean’s #MadCovidDiaries, Week 20: August 3rd to August 9th
Heather‘s #MadCovidDiaries 2.8.2020 My grandparents have lived in Bradford all their life. Grandma worked on the glove counter of Brown and Muffs; which sounds like a euphemism but was a department store that formed part of her glamorous career girl history. Grandad’s father was a music hall pianist, he liked to fill a bath tubContinue reading “I have a couple of five word slogans for you, Boris; The North is fierce hearted. We won’t be divided now. We choose justice and peace over lies.”
As a meme I saw recently said: all lifting lockdown means is that there’s space for you in ICU now.
Human Bean’s #MadCovidDiaries, Week 19: July 27th – August 2nd
Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 27.7.2020 I’m back at my parents’ house for the first time this year and it’s been almost six months since I last saw them. Whilst I am mostly enjoying the experience, I also feel incredibly overwhelmed today and really feel like I haven’t had the space to decompress without them. The last coupleContinue reading “When I consume news stories or social media, the world ending in my lifetime feels like an inevitable reality.”
I feel like this’ll never be ‘over’ and the future just melts together.
What if there is no “after covid”?
Human Bean’s #MadCovidDiaries, Week 18: July 20th to July 26th
Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 20.7.2020 I’ve finally got some time off for the next two weeks and especially this week, I am going to focus on having time for myself. I have recognised that burn out for me is something that happens even when I have the best intentions ; it has as much to do withContinue reading “Returning back to normal isn’t really an option…I am considering all sorts of things that seemed impossible to me before. I want to live in a world that considers all the diverse needs of individuals in its society.”
Jo’s #MadCovidDiaries 20.7.2020 Jo’s 18th vlog is out now! Jo vlogs from the foodbank this week. She talks about her work and the importance of volunteering to her mental health. If you’ve enjoyed this vlog, please consider donating to our Hardship Fund for people with a mental health condition who are in financial need duringContinue reading “There’s something special about volunteering.”
I feel so annoyed that many of my friends think people like me are being too anxious and just need help to be less afraid. I feel that I have an accurate view of the COVID risk and they have kidded themselves into being less afraid because they want to “get back to normal”.
It’s time to rest and I find that hard to do when there is so much to do and people – my people, my peers – are being abandoned by this government.
Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 14.7.2020 I sat down to write the last few days and felt little to no motivation as there was too much going on in my head. Even today, I feel a little conflicted and confused. One part of me is super excited as I will be seeing my parents in a few weeks’Continue reading “These are unprecedented times so I constantly have to focus on being kind to myself but that requires a lot of rewiring.”
Michelle‘s @DyslxicRant’s #MadCovidDiaries Michelle has been creating vlogs about her experiences of COVID19 during Lockdown. Here you can catch up on some! We hope to feature more of Michelle’s work over the next few weeks. This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. We ask that you seek our permission beforeContinue reading “I’m in quarantine. It’s not a good place to be, because its scary, plagues are scary. Government needs to take responsibility for putting our lives in danger.”
Human Bean’s #MadCovidDiaries, Week 16: July 6th to July 12th TW: Cancer I came out to my mum as non binary this week. I also told a few more people about my plans to change my name. I feel really silly about it (internalised transphobia or a hangover from being stigmatised for BPD shifts inContinue reading “I feel like we’re living in such a brutal world and I didn’t even have the resilience to cope with the old one let alone this.”
Jo’s #MadCovidDiaries 16.7.2020 Jo’s 17th vlog is out now! Jo speaks about having difficulty sleeping at the moment, which is a big warning sign for her. She also reflects on all the things she has to do just to stay well and the big decisions she’s had to take in life to stay well. She’sContinue reading “There are lots of things I can’t do. I don’t get to drink, I don’t get to miss sleep…I’ve had to make big decisions about my life.”