“If you can move through life without psychiatric medication, that is a privilege. If you can enjoy and celebrate your emancipation from psychiatry’s ugly clutches, that is a privilege”

David Mordecai’s #MadCovidDiaries – January 2021 TW: Mania, Advanced Dementia I am tired (but cannot sleep). I am angry. I am frustrated. I am deeply disappointed. And I am grieving. Apologies in advance that this will be more disjointed than my past MadCovid Diaries entries. My father is at the end of a journey myContinue reading ““If you can move through life without psychiatric medication, that is a privilege. If you can enjoy and celebrate your emancipation from psychiatry’s ugly clutches, that is a privilege””

LAUNCHING: #MadConversations Podcast!

On the 15th of September we at Mad Covid launched our very own Podcast Mad Conversations. We’ve been working really hard on this and its taken us a while to get this far, but we got there in the end. Mad Conversations is a podcast about contemporary issues affecting the mad community. Each episode featuresContinue reading “LAUNCHING: #MadConversations Podcast!”

The simple courtesy of wearing a mask is something autistic people do invisibly all the time, often at great psychological cost.

Hope’s #MadCovidDiaries Tuesday 14.8.2020 TW autism and rape/sexual abuse ‘In wise love each divines the high secret self of the other and, refusing to believe in the mere daily self, creates a mirror where the lover or the beloved sees an image to copy in daily life. Love also creates the mask’. — W. B.Continue reading “The simple courtesy of wearing a mask is something autistic people do invisibly all the time, often at great psychological cost.”

I miss connecting with others in person and I fear for a disconnected future, where those of us with disabilities feel excluded from society.

@outdoorperscrip’s #MadCovidDiaries 14.9.2020  What usually helps you when you’re feeling like this? This is possibly one of the most used sentences in mental health support. I wonder how many patients have suddenly found the answer to their distress is solved by that one simple question? I’ve been asked it a few times lately and toContinue reading “I miss connecting with others in person and I fear for a disconnected future, where those of us with disabilities feel excluded from society.”

The outside world for me has always felt scary. In that respect, the pandemic has set me back.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 31.8.2020  This week has been almost normal. I saw my family on the weekend, had lunch with my mum’s cousin and peeled a lot of apples. Okay, the last part is definitely not a normal week but there was something about peeling apples that felt vaguely cathartic, something that I imagine normal peopleContinue reading “The outside world for me has always felt scary. In that respect, the pandemic has set me back.”

COVID19: At its peak, around a thousand loved ones dying became an everyday phenomenon.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 25.9.2020  Interactions and friendships with people have always been a challenge for me. There are times when I speak to people and all the anxiety kind of disappears into the background. Other times, I realise that the interactions make me feel hyper aware and make me consider all the things that I probablyContinue reading “COVID19: At its peak, around a thousand loved ones dying became an everyday phenomenon.”

Drinking always led me into all sorts of situations, and whilst I don’t regret the past, I know that it was a form of numbing the pain inside.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 17.8.2020  There’s an element within me that feels like I have made a huge jump from where I was at the beginning of lockdown or even a month or so ago to where I am now. There have been a lot of repetitive feelings and I feel like I’m living days over andContinue reading “Drinking always led me into all sorts of situations, and whilst I don’t regret the past, I know that it was a form of numbing the pain inside.”

I hit refresh on the BBC news website for the 20th time in a row. My partner tells me to stop obsessing but I can’t help it. This is how I have been throughout lockdown.

@outdoorperscrip‘s #MadCovidDiaries 18.8.2020  I hit refresh on the BBC news website for the 20th time in a row. My partner tells me to stop obsessing but I can’t help it. This is how I have been throughout lockdown. My reason for obsessing on this occasion was due to the A Level results disaster. My daughterContinue reading “I hit refresh on the BBC news website for the 20th time in a row. My partner tells me to stop obsessing but I can’t help it. This is how I have been throughout lockdown.”

The shared trauma of living through this situation has allowed me to feel connections with people that would otherwise be on a completely different wavelength

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 10.8.2020  Well, what a full week. I can’t remember the last time in ages where I felt like I had fed all the different parts of myself: I’ve had time connecting with friends, focused on myself as well as the things I care about. Sometimes I struggle because if I do too muchContinue reading “The shared trauma of living through this situation has allowed me to feel connections with people that would otherwise be on a completely different wavelength”

In this pandemic world, I have had moments of crisis but my past experiences really made me reluctant to reach out for help.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 3.8.2020  I’m back home and for the first time in a long time, it really felt like coming home. Of course, I experience anxiety here, lying awake in the middle of the night thinking the house noises means someone might be in the house or the depression clouding over me because I can’tContinue reading “In this pandemic world, I have had moments of crisis but my past experiences really made me reluctant to reach out for help.”

I have a couple of five word slogans for you, Boris; The North is fierce hearted. We won’t be divided now. We choose justice and peace over lies.

Heather‘s #MadCovidDiaries 2.8.2020  My grandparents have lived in Bradford all their life. Grandma worked on the glove counter of Brown and Muffs; which sounds like a euphemism but was a department store that formed part of her glamorous career girl history. Grandad’s father was a music hall pianist, he liked to fill a bath tubContinue reading “I have a couple of five word slogans for you, Boris; The North is fierce hearted. We won’t be divided now. We choose justice and peace over lies.”

When I consume news stories or social media, the world ending in my lifetime feels like an inevitable reality.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 27.7.2020  I’m back at my parents’ house for the first time this year and it’s been almost six months since I last saw them. Whilst I am mostly enjoying the experience, I also feel incredibly overwhelmed today and really feel like I haven’t had the space to decompress without them. The last coupleContinue reading “When I consume news stories or social media, the world ending in my lifetime feels like an inevitable reality.”

Returning back to normal isn’t really an option…I am considering all sorts of things that seemed impossible to me before. I want to live in a world that considers all the diverse needs of individuals in its society.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 20.7.2020  I’ve finally got some time off for the next two weeks and especially this week, I am going to focus on having time for myself. I have recognised that burn out for me is something that happens even when I have the best intentions ; it has as much to do withContinue reading “Returning back to normal isn’t really an option…I am considering all sorts of things that seemed impossible to me before. I want to live in a world that considers all the diverse needs of individuals in its society.”

These are unprecedented times so I constantly have to focus on being kind to myself but that requires a lot of rewiring.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 14.7.2020  I sat down to write the last few days and felt little to no motivation as there was too much going on in my head. Even today, I feel a little conflicted and confused. One part of me is super excited as I will be seeing my parents in a few weeks’Continue reading “These are unprecedented times so I constantly have to focus on being kind to myself but that requires a lot of rewiring.”

Health professionals get frustrated with me and misinterpret my attempts at communication. The thought of talking to a doctor now brings a wave of panic because my experience this year has been so terrible.

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries – Week 13: June 15th to June 21st TW: iatrogenic trauma, ableism  It’s diary day. I don’t feel like talking today. I guess that’s a good reason to have a set day to update, it’s more representative of my mood than if I just updated when I felt like it.  Looong exhale. Continue reading “Health professionals get frustrated with me and misinterpret my attempts at communication. The thought of talking to a doctor now brings a wave of panic because my experience this year has been so terrible.”

The trigger for a lot of my difficulties in the Coronavirus crisis has been the feeling of the unknown, which hasn’t been helped by the lack of leadership from the government.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 7.7.2020  What a difference two weeks make? In the last ten days, it’s been a rollercoaster of unexpected life events, which has left me feeling both super hopeful and super anxious. The most prominent item is that I am now getting paid for some work that I was previously doing as voluntary. It’llContinue reading “The trigger for a lot of my difficulties in the Coronavirus crisis has been the feeling of the unknown, which hasn’t been helped by the lack of leadership from the government.”

It’s kind of interesting but grim to see how the soaps are dealing with covid 19. It’s weird how seeing something fictionalised can make a thing feel more real.

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries – Week 15: June 29th to July 5th Well, after my post last week saying nothing will change for us, we made a spur of the moment decision to come on a trip. I’ll explain.  The rules changed on Saturday 4th July to say you are allowed to visit family overnight. SinceContinue reading “It’s kind of interesting but grim to see how the soaps are dealing with covid 19. It’s weird how seeing something fictionalised can make a thing feel more real.”

The transition out of lockdown is causing me a lot of anxiety. The risk is still there but now we’re being asked to act like it isn’t. It was a decision made for the economy and not for keeping people safe.

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries – Week 14: June 22nd to June 28th  Do you ever look back at your past self and think wow, I was a real person in the world: I wore that red dress in Italy, I kissed that girl, in a way that you don’t feel real in your life now orContinue reading “The transition out of lockdown is causing me a lot of anxiety. The risk is still there but now we’re being asked to act like it isn’t. It was a decision made for the economy and not for keeping people safe.”

Since lockdown began, my bright, carefree, sociable girl has had her life turned upside down. Her bedroom is her classroom; her schoolwork set online.

Lucy’s #MadCovidDiaries 25.6.2020  She’s not a talker, my nine-year-old daughter. Not about her feelings, anyway. Even when she was in Reception, her teacher commented on how she never cried. ‘Sometimes I can see she really wants to,’ she said, ‘but she won’t let herself.’ She’s like me in that respect. I grew up keeping myContinue reading “Since lockdown began, my bright, carefree, sociable girl has had her life turned upside down. Her bedroom is her classroom; her schoolwork set online.”

If they kick me out of services, so be it, but I’m done with therapy – especially Covid-friendly Zoom therapy.

Lucy‘s #MadCovidDiaries 18.6.2020  TW: Self harm Therapy in the time of Covid Throughout the years I’ve been under mental health services, I’ve been through many courses of therapy. None of them have proven particularly helpful, and nor did I expect them to. I firmly believe that my mental illness is down to screwy brain chemicalsContinue reading “If they kick me out of services, so be it, but I’m done with therapy – especially Covid-friendly Zoom therapy.”