In this pandemic world, I have had moments of crisis but my past experiences really made me reluctant to reach out for help.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 3.8.2020  I’m back home and for the first time in a long time, it really felt like coming home. Of course, I experience anxiety here, lying awake in the middle of the night thinking the house noises means someone might be in the house or the depression clouding over me because I can’tContinue reading “In this pandemic world, I have had moments of crisis but my past experiences really made me reluctant to reach out for help.”

I have a couple of five word slogans for you, Boris; The North is fierce hearted. We won’t be divided now. We choose justice and peace over lies.

Heather’s #MadCovidDiaries 2.8.2020  My grandparents have lived in Bradford all their life. Grandma worked on the glove counter of Brown and Muffs; which sounds like a euphemism but was a department store that formed part of her glamorous career girl history. Grandad’s father was a music hall pianist, he liked to fill a bath tubContinue reading “I have a couple of five word slogans for you, Boris; The North is fierce hearted. We won’t be divided now. We choose justice and peace over lies.”

When I consume news stories or social media, the world ending in my lifetime feels like an inevitable reality.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 27.7.2020  I’m back at my parents’ house for the first time this year and it’s been almost six months since I last saw them. Whilst I am mostly enjoying the experience, I also feel incredibly overwhelmed today and really feel like I haven’t had the space to decompress without them. The last coupleContinue reading “When I consume news stories or social media, the world ending in my lifetime feels like an inevitable reality.”

Returning back to normal isn’t really an option…I am considering all sorts of things that seemed impossible to me before. I want to live in a world that considers all the diverse needs of individuals in its society.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 20.7.2020  I’ve finally got some time off for the next two weeks and especially this week, I am going to focus on having time for myself. I have recognised that burn out for me is something that happens even when I have the best intentions ; it has as much to do withContinue reading “Returning back to normal isn’t really an option…I am considering all sorts of things that seemed impossible to me before. I want to live in a world that considers all the diverse needs of individuals in its society.”

These are unprecedented times so I constantly have to focus on being kind to myself but that requires a lot of rewiring.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 14.7.2020  I sat down to write the last few days and felt little to no motivation as there was too much going on in my head. Even today, I feel a little conflicted and confused. One part of me is super excited as I will be seeing my parents in a few weeks’Continue reading “These are unprecedented times so I constantly have to focus on being kind to myself but that requires a lot of rewiring.”

Health professionals get frustrated with me and misinterpret my attempts at communication. The thought of talking to a doctor now brings a wave of panic because my experience this year has been so terrible.

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries – Week 13: June 15th to June 21st TW: iatrogenic trauma, ableism  It’s diary day. I don’t feel like talking today. I guess that’s a good reason to have a set day to update, it’s more representative of my mood than if I just updated when I felt like it.  Looong exhale. Continue reading “Health professionals get frustrated with me and misinterpret my attempts at communication. The thought of talking to a doctor now brings a wave of panic because my experience this year has been so terrible.”

The trigger for a lot of my difficulties in the Coronavirus crisis has been the feeling of the unknown, which hasn’t been helped by the lack of leadership from the government.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 7.7.2020  What a difference two weeks make? In the last ten days, it’s been a rollercoaster of unexpected life events, which has left me feeling both super hopeful and super anxious. The most prominent item is that I am now getting paid for some work that I was previously doing as voluntary. It’llContinue reading “The trigger for a lot of my difficulties in the Coronavirus crisis has been the feeling of the unknown, which hasn’t been helped by the lack of leadership from the government.”

It’s kind of interesting but grim to see how the soaps are dealing with covid 19. It’s weird how seeing something fictionalised can make a thing feel more real.

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries – Week 15: June 29th to July 5th Well, after my post last week saying nothing will change for us, we made a spur of the moment decision to come on a trip. I’ll explain.  The rules changed on Saturday 4th July to say you are allowed to visit family overnight. SinceContinue reading “It’s kind of interesting but grim to see how the soaps are dealing with covid 19. It’s weird how seeing something fictionalised can make a thing feel more real.”

The transition out of lockdown is causing me a lot of anxiety. The risk is still there but now we’re being asked to act like it isn’t. It was a decision made for the economy and not for keeping people safe.

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries – Week 14: June 22nd to June 28th  Do you ever look back at your past self and think wow, I was a real person in the world: I wore that red dress in Italy, I kissed that girl, in a way that you don’t feel real in your life now orContinue reading “The transition out of lockdown is causing me a lot of anxiety. The risk is still there but now we’re being asked to act like it isn’t. It was a decision made for the economy and not for keeping people safe.”

Since lockdown began, my bright, carefree, sociable girl has had her life turned upside down. Her bedroom is her classroom; her schoolwork set online.

Lucy’s #MadCovidDiaries 25.6.2020  She’s not a talker, my nine-year-old daughter. Not about her feelings, anyway. Even when she was in Reception, her teacher commented on how she never cried. ‘Sometimes I can see she really wants to,’ she said, ‘but she won’t let herself.’ She’s like me in that respect. I grew up keeping myContinue reading “Since lockdown began, my bright, carefree, sociable girl has had her life turned upside down. Her bedroom is her classroom; her schoolwork set online.”

If they kick me out of services, so be it, but I’m done with therapy – especially Covid-friendly Zoom therapy.

Lucy’s #MadCovidDiaries 18.6.2020  TW: Self harm Therapy in the time of Covid Throughout the years I’ve been under mental health services, I’ve been through many courses of therapy. None of them have proven particularly helpful, and nor did I expect them to. I firmly believe that my mental illness is down to screwy brain chemicalsContinue reading “If they kick me out of services, so be it, but I’m done with therapy – especially Covid-friendly Zoom therapy.”

A Mother’s Love

By Ginny Mata @ginnymata 15.6.2020 Today’s been a really rough day.  I couldn’t bring myself to eat anything at all. I was determined to spend the rest of the day feeling miserable, to fold into myself, to will myself to disappear.  But just now, when I opened my bedroom door, on the table, there wereContinue reading “A Mother’s Love”

I am having increasing anxiety about the state of the world, about covid, about the treatment of black people and trans people.

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries – Week 12: June 9th to June 14th TW: discussion of racism and transphobia, medical issues.  Gosh, what an emotionally laborious week it has been. Difficult conversations with people about race (which is fine, that’s my responsibility as a white person) and difficult conversations with people about transphobia.  I’m non binary andContinue reading “I am having increasing anxiety about the state of the world, about covid, about the treatment of black people and trans people.”

It’s been an intense couple of weeks in the context of world events.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 15.6.2020  It’s been an intense couple of weeks in the context of world events. It almost feels like it doesn’t feel as important to focus on Covid with the current events happening. Discussing what’s been happening in my life the last few weeks has also seemed unimportant given the situation in the USContinue reading “It’s been an intense couple of weeks in the context of world events.”

Rather than lockdown, we’re in limbo

Lucy’s #MadCovidDiaries 10.6.2020  @lucywriter As Covid-19 restrictions slowly ease, I find myself wondering whether we’re still in lockdown. In some ways, it no longer feels like lockdown now I can see my friends and family (albeit at a 2m distance and not on a rainy day unless we’re willing to get drenched in the park),Continue reading “Rather than lockdown, we’re in limbo”

I’m white and feel like I have a responsibility to do everything I can to educate myself and others and make changes happen wherever I can. Black lives matter. 🖤

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries – Week 11: June 1st to June 7th I didn’t manage self therapy this week. My partner was working and I had to take care of the kids so it didn’t happen. I will make sure it happens in the coming week so I don’t lose the habit. I’m quite annoyed thatContinue reading “I’m white and feel like I have a responsibility to do everything I can to educate myself and others and make changes happen wherever I can. Black lives matter. 🖤”

The more lockdown is eased, the more my anxiety rises. It’s going to be a long time before I stop staying alert.

Hattie’s #MadCovidDiaries 2.6.2020 The more lockdown is eased, the more my anxiety rises. It’s going to be a long time before I stop staying alert. I have obsessive compulsive disorder, and if there’s one thing I’m an expert at, it’s staying alert. Right now we are living though a real life enactment of one ofContinue reading “The more lockdown is eased, the more my anxiety rises. It’s going to be a long time before I stop staying alert.”

I think often of others out there struggling with their mental health and I hope you know I’m rooting for you.

TW: brief mention of suicidal thinking  Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries – Week 10(!): May 25th to May 31st It’s wild we’ve been at this ten weeks. I suppose in a way though I’ve been in lockdown most of the year; I was physically too ill to leave the house for most of the first three monthsContinue reading “I think often of others out there struggling with their mental health and I hope you know I’m rooting for you.”

I’ve been a mad person in psychiatric services for 15 years and have spent 12 years on Lithium, which means I’m in the lost causes league.

Heather‘s #MadCovidDiaries 27.5.2020  Moonstruck. I’m showing my fellow volunteers how Zoom works. We click through the menu above our faces and I explain that you can rename yourself. ‘You could have a nickname, or choose your pronouns, or make up a whole other name, if you like.’ I spend the rest of the session teachingContinue reading “I’ve been a mad person in psychiatric services for 15 years and have spent 12 years on Lithium, which means I’m in the lost causes league.”

Getting back to any sort of normality after my hospitalisation did not feel like an option. It felt surreal to go from hospital to pandemic. It was like entering a new world.

TW: Overdose @RelapseRover’s #MadCovidDiaries – 27.5.2020 Life after hospital in Covid times A week before lockdown I was discharged from hospital after a two month admission. On the day of my discharge all the patients got a letter from the hospital managers explaining that due to this thing called Covid they may have to takeContinue reading “Getting back to any sort of normality after my hospitalisation did not feel like an option. It felt surreal to go from hospital to pandemic. It was like entering a new world.”