Sunitha

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 I’m Sunny, 29 years old and of South Asian background. I live in London with my partner of almost 7 years who has generalised anxiety disorder. I’ve been out of work for just over a year now as a result of my mental health. I love singing in my community choir, dancing like nothing else matters and more recently getting involved with activism. 

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries

When I consume news stories or social media, the world ending in my lifetime feels like an inevitable reality.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 27.7.2020  I’m back at my parents’ house for the first time this year and it’s been almost six months since I last saw them. Whilst I am mostly enjoying the experience, I also feel incredibly overwhelmed today and really feel like I haven’t had the space to decompress without them. The last coupleContinue reading “When I consume news stories or social media, the world ending in my lifetime feels like an inevitable reality.”

Returning back to normal isn’t really an option…I am considering all sorts of things that seemed impossible to me before. I want to live in a world that considers all the diverse needs of individuals in its society.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 20.7.2020  I’ve finally got some time off for the next two weeks and especially this week, I am going to focus on having time for myself. I have recognised that burn out for me is something that happens even when I have the best intentions ; it has as much to do withContinue reading “Returning back to normal isn’t really an option…I am considering all sorts of things that seemed impossible to me before. I want to live in a world that considers all the diverse needs of individuals in its society.”

These are unprecedented times so I constantly have to focus on being kind to myself but that requires a lot of rewiring.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 14.7.2020  I sat down to write the last few days and felt little to no motivation as there was too much going on in my head. Even today, I feel a little conflicted and confused. One part of me is super excited as I will be seeing my parents in a few weeks’Continue reading “These are unprecedented times so I constantly have to focus on being kind to myself but that requires a lot of rewiring.”

The trigger for a lot of my difficulties in the Coronavirus crisis has been the feeling of the unknown, which hasn’t been helped by the lack of leadership from the government.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 7.7.2020  What a difference two weeks make? In the last ten days, it’s been a rollercoaster of unexpected life events, which has left me feeling both super hopeful and super anxious. The most prominent item is that I am now getting paid for some work that I was previously doing as voluntary. It’llContinue reading “The trigger for a lot of my difficulties in the Coronavirus crisis has been the feeling of the unknown, which hasn’t been helped by the lack of leadership from the government.”

Every time I read the news or Twitter, I recognise that we have such a long way to go…sometimes I feel like all I want to do is pack my bags, go home and retreat from society.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries, 23.06.20 CW: Mentions self harm and alcohol briefly Today, I feel indecisive on how to start writing this. For me, I am struggling with a whole host of internal worries and fears, which makes me think what I really need now is help. You know when you’ve experienced long term mental health illnesses,Continue reading “Every time I read the news or Twitter, I recognise that we have such a long way to go…sometimes I feel like all I want to do is pack my bags, go home and retreat from society.”

It’s been an intense couple of weeks in the context of world events.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 15.6.2020  It’s been an intense couple of weeks in the context of world events. It almost feels like it doesn’t feel as important to focus on Covid with the current events happening. Discussing what’s been happening in my life the last few weeks has also seemed unimportant given the situation in the USContinue reading “It’s been an intense couple of weeks in the context of world events.”

This whole experience is really taking a mental and physical toll on my body. Each day to me actually represents three or four days of pre-covid time.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 25.5.2020  Yesterday, my mum reiterated her desire to come drive to see me even if it was just from afar. A couple of weeks ago, I was seriously considering self isolating in preparation for relaxing of lockdown rules and asking my parents to do the same. Unfortunately, trying to convince my mum thatContinue reading “This whole experience is really taking a mental and physical toll on my body. Each day to me actually represents three or four days of pre-covid time.”

Waiting lists are months long and racial disparities are ignored. Mental health awareness week is just not enough.

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 18.5.2020  I don’t really know where to start. After a very challenging week, the weekend for me has been a lot of me trying to contain my anger and having these beautiful moments of hope. In some ways, I’m starting the cycle again of settling into this new normal but it really overwhelmsContinue reading “Waiting lists are months long and racial disparities are ignored. Mental health awareness week is just not enough.”

The cogs in my head have been in overdrive; what life do I want after this crisis is over. Where does my energy go? What do I care about?

Sunitha’s #MadCovidDiaries 10.5.2020  I’m feeling angry today, terrified, anxious. What did I expect after watching the waffling from our Prime Minster? I called my mum and I got really emotional, especially when her response was very much well we can’t be in lockdown forever. Last week I told her she couldn’t come to see me,Continue reading “The cogs in my head have been in overdrive; what life do I want after this crisis is over. Where does my energy go? What do I care about?”

I want to scream and shout, which I did manage to do when accidentally watching the news. Maybe I’ll make it my new hobby, shouting at the nonsense people say, particularly politicians.

TW: Thoughts of physical violence Sunitha’s third #MadCovidDiaries 3.5.2020  It’s been more than two weeks since I last wrote. Not sure why, mixture of very good mood periods where I felt I wanted to be free from technology and low mood points where I just wanted to binge watch some terrible TV show, to escapeContinue reading “I want to scream and shout, which I did manage to do when accidentally watching the news. Maybe I’ll make it my new hobby, shouting at the nonsense people say, particularly politicians.”

I’ve had days where all I can manage is getting out of bed to use the toilet and possibly eat sugary cereal with creamy whole milk in bed.

Sunitha’s second #MadCovidDiaries 16.4.2020  How do I even start trying to describe the last week? Today in particular has been positive but what’s happened in the middle, not so much. A friend of mine today mentioned that our emotions right now are heightened and she’s right, I have had days where all I can manageContinue reading “I’ve had days where all I can manage is getting out of bed to use the toilet and possibly eat sugary cereal with creamy whole milk in bed.”

Right now, my anxiety is through the roof: I can feel it inside me at all times and I can see it in my racing thoughts and speech.

Sunitha’s First #MadCovidDiaries 9.4.2020  I thought I’d left behind the enormous amount of procrastination I have experienced in the last year or more, but with all this Covid-19 nonsense, I’ve been struggling a lot with it. Even just putting aside the time to do this has taken me days.  It’s strange how in the beginning,Continue reading “Right now, my anxiety is through the roof: I can feel it inside me at all times and I can see it in my racing thoughts and speech.”

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