“I want to remind any health professional that the most difficult situations, at least for me, arose from being treated like I had no understanding or agency over my life and decisions.”

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 2.02.2020 TW: Bereavement So I have been struggling to dedicate time the last few weeks. I wrote this a few weeks ago and I wanted to share this first to set the context of where my head has been… This week has made me worry that I am overdoing everything. It feels almostContinue reading ““I want to remind any health professional that the most difficult situations, at least for me, arose from being treated like I had no understanding or agency over my life and decisions.””

“My regulatory body emailed to tell me that I had been reported by one of the AMHP’s who assessed me during the summer as unfit to do my job because of my mental health. An AMHP who had met me once.”

@RelapseRover’s #MadCovidDiaries 29.01.2021 Working and being Mad in Covid times Early 2020 I was admitted to hospital for the 8th time in 3 years. I was discharged a week before Covid hit. I was off work for 5 months but my return went well. My lovely colleagues had decorated my desk and bought me giftsContinue reading ““My regulatory body emailed to tell me that I had been reported by one of the AMHP’s who assessed me during the summer as unfit to do my job because of my mental health. An AMHP who had met me once.””

“I accept that the things that make me seem mad are also the things that make me incredibly productive, a loyal friend and someone with buckets full of empathy.”

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 12.01.2020 TW: Suicidal thoughts Everything feels overwhelming but not in the way that you would expect; I actually feel like my life is slowly coming together. If you’d told me two weeks ago that I would have managed to sleep before midnight for a week as well as waking up before 7am, IContinue reading ““I accept that the things that make me seem mad are also the things that make me incredibly productive, a loyal friend and someone with buckets full of empathy.””

Prison was the most soul-destroying experience of my life. The harshness of my surroundings ground away at my soul daily until one day, I had no coping beans left.

@Asteroid_Caller’s #MadCovidDiaries 26.01.2020 Solitary Prison was the most soul-destroying experience of my life. While psychotic, I coped. While psychotic, prison was a simulation created by my friends. I trusted that they would not make it harder than my capacity to endure. When I came around I realised where I was. The harshness of my surroundingsContinue reading “Prison was the most soul-destroying experience of my life. The harshness of my surroundings ground away at my soul daily until one day, I had no coping beans left.”

I think knitting does my mental health good. It allows me to put the many flickering tabs my brain has open into stasis whilst my hands take over with a restful muscle memory.

Heather’s #MadCovidDiaries 24.01.2020 In, over through and out! That was my mantra when I had my first psychotic break. My mum placed a pair of knitting needles in my hands and she explained that knitting had been what kept her going through 3 months of pregnancy bedrest. Her mother in law had handed her aContinue reading “I think knitting does my mental health good. It allows me to put the many flickering tabs my brain has open into stasis whilst my hands take over with a restful muscle memory.”

Grieving for an imaginary baby – the loneliness of psychosis

@MiserySquid’s #MadCovidDiaries 23.01.2021                       Trigger warning: psychosis, suicidal ideation, self-injury, miscarriage, infanticide. I was 21 years old when I had my first psychosis. I was picked up by the police in the middle of the night, wandering the streets barefoot, clicking and whistling, tapping and clapping imaginary codes at the cameras in the streetlights. IContinue reading “Grieving for an imaginary baby – the loneliness of psychosis”

“If you can move through life without psychiatric medication, that is a privilege. If you can enjoy and celebrate your emancipation from psychiatry’s ugly clutches, that is a privilege”

David Mordecai’s #MadCovidDiaries – January 2021 TW: Mania, Advanced Dementia I am tired (but cannot sleep). I am angry. I am frustrated. I am deeply disappointed. And I am grieving. Apologies in advance that this will be more disjointed than my past MadCovid Diaries entries. My father is at the end of a journey myContinue reading ““If you can move through life without psychiatric medication, that is a privilege. If you can enjoy and celebrate your emancipation from psychiatry’s ugly clutches, that is a privilege””

“My therapist emailed to say she would no longer be seeing me face to face due to the new Covid strain / lock-down. The previous lock-down was horrific without face-to-face support. It’s not an experience I would ever want to repeat.”

@Chlowinfield1’s #MadCovidDiaries 15.1.2021 TW: Suicide and Self-harm Last week my therapist emailed me to say she would no longer be seeing me face to face due to the new Covid strain/lock-down and me not being able to wear a mask (I have an exemption and can wear it for short periods e.g. on the busContinue reading ““My therapist emailed to say she would no longer be seeing me face to face due to the new Covid strain / lock-down. The previous lock-down was horrific without face-to-face support. It’s not an experience I would ever want to repeat.””

“I was finally diagnosed as autistic, via a long awaited assessment. It was done virtually… I’m in my mid thirties, and I feel grief that I went so long without this understanding of myself.”

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries 13.12.2020 The good side of my personal circumstances at the moment: my partner is able to teach from home for a little while, my kids are off school and nursery. We can hunker down for a while and be relatively safe. I’m really grateful for that, and for this time together. I’mContinue reading ““I was finally diagnosed as autistic, via a long awaited assessment. It was done virtually… I’m in my mid thirties, and I feel grief that I went so long without this understanding of myself.””

“It feels like we are back to where we were in April. I miss my parents in ways that I can’t comprehend, which leaves me unable to communicate with them because I feel like it creates too much internal pain”.

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 4.01.2020 TW: Suicidal thoughts Wow, I didn’t realise until I am writing now that I took such a long break from this. Last week was a complete disaster as apparently taking a break from everything was not the reset that I hoped for leading to strange sleeping schedules (5am – 5pm), no showering,Continue reading ““It feels like we are back to where we were in April. I miss my parents in ways that I can’t comprehend, which leaves me unable to communicate with them because I feel like it creates too much internal pain”.”

The expectation is this: under these unusual circumstances, one should suffer more with their mental health. Years of adversity and intense emotional crisis gives me resilience; I move parallel to these restrictions.

Amanda’s #MadCovidDiaries 25.12.2020 Flow with It. The expectation is this: under these unusual circumstances, one should suffer more with their mental health. Although that is true for many, on the contrary, I grow deeper into my art and discover resonance for my personal mission. Years of adversity and intense emotional crisis gives me resilience; IContinue reading “The expectation is this: under these unusual circumstances, one should suffer more with their mental health. Years of adversity and intense emotional crisis gives me resilience; I move parallel to these restrictions.”

Brave New World? #28

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 11.12.2020 Tony adds his 28th instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his trips under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. No longer the “ happy to chat bench” Happy to slap a fine bench Don’t sit here Not forContinue reading “Brave New World? #28”

Tamar’s Lived Experience Practitioner’s (LXP) #DriscriminationDiaries

Tamar’s #MadCovidDiaries 10.01.2020 Over the last month Tamar has been documenting the discrimination she has experienced as a Lived Experience Practitioner using video diaries or vlogs. You can catch up on them all here, or you can scroll down and watch a few select diaries. If you are able to assist Tamar on legal mattersContinue reading “Tamar’s Lived Experience Practitioner’s (LXP) #DriscriminationDiaries”

I wish the medical bodies, mental health charities and those who hold power would use it in an honourable way instead of capitulating to a corrupt system.

Heather’s #MadCovidDiaries 24.12.2020 2020: the year the other shoe dropped. To wrap up this year, I decided to choose four lessons I learned. None of them are cheerful but they are real hard won lessons. I even name check ginger crooner Mick Hucknall, and ever disapproving DBT wizard Marsha Linehan, two great minds of ourContinue reading “I wish the medical bodies, mental health charities and those who hold power would use it in an honourable way instead of capitulating to a corrupt system.”

“Praise is something that I have learnt to accept, but I don’t think I will ever accept praise from myself. Writing in this blog has allowed me to put myself out there but I never expected anybody to care about what I have to say.”

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 14.12.2020 Last week has been a rollercoaster of really good moments and really weird feelings of being overwhelmed with the anxiety of life. Let’s start with the terrible stuff because well, I’m feeling a lot of anxiety still. Since Friday, I have been feeling debilitating anxiety, worrying about every little thing possible and beforeContinue reading ““Praise is something that I have learnt to accept, but I don’t think I will ever accept praise from myself. Writing in this blog has allowed me to put myself out there but I never expected anybody to care about what I have to say.””

“The blitz spirit of lockdown 1 has vanished. We’re no longer all in this together; we’re pitted against each other.”

@lucywriter’s #MadCovidDiaries 22.12.2020 Back in March, when we first locked down, I couldn’t even countenance that we’d still be in the grips of the pandemic by Christmas. I fully expected the virus to burn itself out by the summer, and the headlines saying social distancing could be needed for the rest of the year seemedContinue reading ““The blitz spirit of lockdown 1 has vanished. We’re no longer all in this together; we’re pitted against each other.””

“I thought I’d just check the headlines and there was something absurd about the government having to use military planes for the vaccine because of Brexit and I wanted to laugh to stop myself from crying.”

Sunitha‘s #MadCovidDiaries 07.12.2020 As always, I seem to have a habit of leaving things until the last minute, which is what has happened with writing today. That said, I don’t think I really took much time out to relax today as it’s been ongoing. When I left work, I caught up with a friend whoContinue reading ““I thought I’d just check the headlines and there was something absurd about the government having to use military planes for the vaccine because of Brexit and I wanted to laugh to stop myself from crying.””

Brave New World? #27 Christmas Special!

Tony’s Photographic #MadCovidDiary 21.12.2020 Tony adds his 27th and Christmas instalment of photos to the collection ‘Brave New World?’. He takes photos on his daily short walks under lockdown in the UK. You can read more about his work here. Tony would like to dedicate this Christmas Special and his poem to Fiona Marks. Tony’sContinue reading “Brave New World? #27 Christmas Special!”

“If there are good things that come out of the loss from COVID-19, I hope that it will include being kinder towards people who experience discrimination and vulnerability.”

Tamar’s #MadCovidDiaries 13.12.2020 Entry 1 – Introduction Hi, I’m Tamar. I’ve been wanting to be part of the Mad Covid Diaries since I first saw the project, I even wrote a bit of stuff! Obviously, I did sod all with it. I thought it all needed to be perfect, finished. So, I didn’t submit anything,Continue reading ““If there are good things that come out of the loss from COVID-19, I hope that it will include being kinder towards people who experience discrimination and vulnerability.””

“This year with the rules about Christmas bubbles it feels even harder to please everyone. My needs always come last and it is killing me”

Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries 13.12.2020 How am I feeling? Sad and angry. And anxious. So many people around me are just carrying on like there’s no pandemic – I have tried and failed to let go of my anger about this. I’m plagued with health anxiety. I think I need to start doing regular worry timeContinue reading ““This year with the rules about Christmas bubbles it feels even harder to please everyone. My needs always come last and it is killing me””