Human Bean‘s #MadCovidDiaries – Week 7: May 4th to May 10th
TW: Alcohol / Sobriety
Did I miss a week? How did I miss a week?
It has been a difficult fortnight for me. I felt extremely low. So tired, no energy or motivation to do anything. Hopeless. Worried. It was also the fortnight leading up to my last therapy appointment on Thursday. Perhaps I was worrying partly about that. I was sad about not speaking to my therapist ever again. He’s good. I’ll add him to the imaginary pile of mental health professionals that I’ll genuinely miss (there’s a much larger pile next to it of ones I’m positively gleeful never to see again!). The appointment itself went really well. It was sad to say goodbye without actually seeing him again, as all my appointments are by phone now. But it was a productive appointment. I talked about what I’ve got from the therapy. He suggested looking at low self esteem as a next step. As something to focus on by myself.
I’m going to try to have a weekly self therapy session to keep working on stuff. Really I needed more therapy, some trauma counselling would be just great. But that is not where the NHS is! So he’s going to recommend a book to read next and I’ll Be My Own Therapist. Fun. This new therapist seems like a right weirdo. Ha! Since the last appointment I’ve actually been feeling more hopeful. It’s good to have a new direction. Maybe I’m capable on working on some of this stuff by myself. I’ve started taking some multivitamins too and I wonder if they are helping me feel less tired.
I’m trying to do a few things while tired. I’m scared about my partner going back to work and having to cope alone with the kids again… I need to learn to wade through this treacle because things will just have to get done. I don’t want to burn out. I want to have the energy to keep helping myself too.
So that’s where I’m at. Oh! And I’m celebrating a year sober this coming week! So, happy one year to me. Life without drinking is so much better. I wish I had stopped completely years ago. I kept carrying on drinking in moderation because I thought it was what you were supposed to do. That’s why it took me so long to learn that for me, zero booze is better than drinking in moderation (and infinitely better than my hard drinking days, which were total total chaos). So that will be a milestone to mark in some way. I’ll have a think about how.
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